The Life and Death of Girl Unknown (UNDER REVISION AND EDITING)

Chapter 23: Drums of the City Rain.

Chapter 23: Drums of the City Rain.

"Mommy." Percy's voice was small and delicate. I heard it whisper to me in a black dream that was soon lightened with the Greg sunlight that came into the window by the head of the bed. I peeled opened my eyes to see him standing there in his Spider Man pyjamas and extremely bad bed head. I sighed and palmed my eye sockets tiredly, not minding the now smeared makeup. I realized I was still in the clothes from last night and I had Juice's vest tucked tightly up to my face so I was intoxicated by his scent. I looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table; it read: 5:45am. My eyebrows narrowed as I tried to casually stretch out the kinks in my back.

"Baby, what are you doing up so early?" I asked sleepily. Percy frowned at me, staring with a dullness in his usually sparkling eyes.

"Can I snuggle with you?" He deflected my question with a request.

"Only if you tell me why you're up so damn early?" I told him flat out. Percy's frown grew until there were deep running lines on his baby face. His eyes began to sparkle but not the way I wanted. They sparkled with tears.

"I had a dream about daddy." He mumbled. My heart gaped with distress. I suppose I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I sighed softly and lifted the duvet so he could crawl under and make himself comfortable. The vest was snuggled into Percy's chest now as I held him close to me without a single blissful emotion. It made me sad because this used to be bliss for me. I was living my dream and now I'm living a nightmare.

At around seven I was woken up by Chibbs and Jax; they came into the house loud enough to wake Percy and Daylon up which woke me up. I made some coffee, knowing one of the two was dealing with a hangover. I got Daylon up and changed his diaper while Percy was eating breakfast and watching Saturday morning cartoons.

"Mom's gonna leave early from the funeral with the boys and bring them back here to get the house sorted for the guests." Jax told me sipping at the brim of the Superman coffee mug Percy got Juice for father's day this year.

"Aye, and the Prospect went to go pick up Juice's mom and sister from the airport." Chibbs chimed in automatically. I didn't mind what he was saying, I nodded incoherently with the hot coffee mug between the fleshy palms of my hands. I watched as Percy devoured an entire bowl of Corn Pops. He's only allowed to have sugary cereals on the weekends but this week I've let him have it everyday. I suppose it's my way of making up for things.

"I'm confused." Percy piped up after chewing a mouthful of the crunchy cereal. All three adults looked at him curiously.

"What are you confused about?" I asked tenderly. Percy's big brown eyes were still outlined with red but shadowed with dark circles. His shaggy dark hair hung in loose ringlets around his face. His dark eyebrows tugged together.

"Why are we burying daddy if he's going to heaven? Daddy can't get to heaven if we bury him." Everyone's faces dropped into pale blank slates. I sighed and cupped the side of his face gently.

"Sweetie, daddy's soul is up in heaven but his body is here on earth." I tried to explain it the best and simplest way I could. Percy's head hung low between his scrawny shoulders.

"I hope daddy is in heaven and not in hell right now." Percy's voice was weak and vulnerable. I got up from my chair and knelt down by his side. Immediately he fell into me, wrapping his small arms around my neck. I rubbed his back and tried to keep then pain at bay.

"He is in heaven right now, he's looking down at us and I think he's telling us that its okay to be sad and cry because he's gone but he wants us to smile too, because he was here and he will always be in our hearts." I reminded him. It was hard for me to talk about death because I never dealt with it in a child-like manor; I was told straight up that there was no heaven or hell, that, that person is dead and never coming back. I don't want Percy to neglect dealing with things that make him sad and uncomfortable. I want him to know that I'm not going to be this cold mother that only loved her kids because of their father. No, I love my boys; with or without their father.

There was a solemnity that hung in the air that chilly November morning. Loneliness clouded my judgment as I sat in the pews of the small Church with Percy tucked in beside me and Daylon was snuggly wrapped in Gemma's arms as she sat beside me in the front row with Jax, Juice's mom and his sister. They were the only family I had left and it was comforting to have them by me and the boys.

Father Daniels stood in front of everyone with sadness in his eyes but he held his head high for he was in the house of the Lord. I don't think I was paying attention, I was too lost in grief. I couldn't stop thinking about the first time I got to meet Juice's family which was earlier when Prospect brought them by the house. Juice never told his mom or sister that he had a family. You'd imagine the surprise they got when they came into the house and saw the two boys who looked just like her son. She said she didn't care about the past because that is the past, she wanted to be apart of the boys' lives and my life. She was a single mother of two as well; she knows how difficult it is.

"Maria," I heard my name being said. I snapped out of my haze and looked up at Father Daniels. "You wanted to say something, dear?" He added softly. I inhaled deeply and nodded in a jerking motion before rising to my feet. The knee length black dress fell from my mid thighs loosely. I flattened out the wrinkles on the bodice. The sleeves bunched up at my elbows but I paid no attention to that. The heels of my black high heel shoes tapped the stone steps and platform. I stood behind the tall stand that had the microphone and bible on it. I looked out at the small gathering of people sitting in the pews like ducks in a row.

"I just wanted to say that even though I've only been apart of Juan's life for nearly seven years, it felt like I've known him for centuries. That may be cliché but its true. We were orphans who weren't actually orphans. We found safety and security in each other. He gave me something I didn't really have growing up; love. He had a really big heart that had lots of love, maybe too much love. Too much trust. But there are things you can't change about a person; for him it was how much he wanted to trust and love people. And it was also his past. You see he may have given me love but I gave him nurturing, a nurturing only true love can give." I paused and looked closely at everyone's longed faces. I knew then what I had to do.

"A couple weeks after we had our second son, Daylon. Juice came to me and said he wanted to have another kid, like ASAP, he wanted a daughter. It makes me sad to know that they aren't ever going to meet each other. But I have a feeling that he sent her because we need an angel right now." I just announced that I was in fact pregnant again and that I'm going to keep her. I know its a girl, mother knows best.