THIRTY FOUR

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It was the day Rafe came home from rehab, he was coming straight over here, Topper insisted, I was cooking for the little group of us, Kelce was on his way over, Topper in the kitchen helping me with whatever I asked. "What do you think they're going to say?" I asked him as I flipped the chicken over in the pan, "I have no idea." He answered truthfully, a small laugh falling passed his lips, I smiled, he was right, they were very unpredictable. My friends had taken the news very well, an exception for John B of course, but we worked it out. "Hello?" Topper answered his phone, holding it to his ear with his shoulder, continuing to mix up the salad. "Baby, is it okay if Rafe brings someone with him?" He asked, raising a brow, "um, I guess so." I shrugged, I had enough food, that's not why I was concerned, who could he have met well in rehab, and wanting to bring them around here? "Yeah sure man, that's fine. Who is it?" Topper went back to talking on the phone, "why won't you tell me?" I kept glancing back as he was bickering with Rafe over the phone. "What's her name?" Her? My eyebrows shot up as I whipped around, "Zoe." I heard through the phone, it couldn't be, could it, not the Zoe that I knew. "Um yeah okay see you soon." Topper hung up the phone, putting it back in his pocket and looking towards me. "It can't be, right?" He asked, I shook my head, "no, it can't be." I shrugged, telling myself it won't be her.

I was upstairs changing when I heard the doorbell ring, I heard Kelce's voice enter the house, followed by Rafe's, Topper was speaking to them, I heard him say hi to this Zoe girl. I stopped and looked in at what was the baby's room, now it was just another guest room, I blinked back the tears. I was about to turn and head down stairs, but froze when I saw Topper running up them. "Baby, hey, how are you?" He panted, giving me a quick peck on the lips, oh no. "Just tell me." I sighed, cringing, I knew what was coming. "It's her." He muttered, I took a shaky breath, "okay, okay, it's fine." I whispered, this time I gave him a peck. "Let's just get this over with." I muttered, grabbing his hand and pulling him along with me, "just remember how happy we are to tell them." He whispered, toying with the ring on my finger for a moment, "I know."

"Hey guys." I smiled, walking into the kitchen where they were all huddled around the island, chit chatting. "Kenzie." Zoe whispered, chewing on her lip, I looked her over, she looked great, well rested, not like she was a newborn at home. My heart skipped a beat at the thought, "where's the baby?" I asked, the room fell completely silence, Rafe cleared his throat standing beside her, his arms going around her shoulder. "I gave him up." I inhaled sharply, Topper stepping forward, "you did what?" He snapped, we were going to take him, we were ready to take him, but she changed her mind, she was going to raise him, and then she changed her mind again? "I just couldn't do it, I tried, for three weeks, I couldn't do it, Kenzie." She rambled, I felt my stomach jump. "You kept him for three weeks and than gave him away?! He already knew who you were, how could you?" I seethed, Kelce backed away from the situation, still staying in the room but getting out of the way. Rafe and Topper both stood their ground by us, protectively glaring at each other. "You didn't know how it feels, you bitch! You just stand there and accuse me like it was easy for me!" Zoe hissed, my eyebrows shot up, "Rafe, you're just going to let her talk to Kenzie like that?" Topper quipped, shocked by Rafe's behavior, we had grown close, he was protective over me like my other male friends were. "I could say the same to you!" Rafe retorted, great. I placed my hand on Topper's shoulder, shaking my head when he began to get frustrated. "I'm not saying it's easy Zoe, but you could've let us take him, he could've been with family. I would've let you see him." I whispered, not letting the tears fall, I was tired of crying, I felt like that's all I ever did. "No, you know what, I'm tired of you. Rafe, we're leaving." She demanded, beginning to walk out, he hesitated, I could see the look in his eyes, he didn't want to abandon his friends, at most he's known her for a month, but he's known Topper almost his whole life. "Why'd you ask us to come over?" Rafe questioned, Zoe raised her eyebrows trying to speak, "just hang on!" He whisper shouted at her, this was a different Rafe, sober Rafe, he had a much better head on him now. I lifted my left hand, laying it on the counter, "we're engaged." I muttered. Kelce let a gasp fall from his lips, I had forgotten he was even here.

"Oh please, you're just with her cause she's easy." Zoe remarked, Topper jumped at her words, "shit, okay." Rafe mumbled, pinching his nose for a moment, "Zoe it was nice while it lasted, but they're more important to me." My eyes went wide at his words, "what the fuck?" Kelce whispered, moving to stand beside us now, Zoe looked at Rafe incredulously, "are you serious?" She snapped, crossing her arms like she was all that, Rafe nodded, staying silent. "Whatever you were just a good fuck." She muttered, turning on her heels to leave, "I don't want to see you again, Zoe, stay the fuck away from my family!" I shouted, she slammed the door behind her, everyone stared at me in shock. "Family?" Rafe asked, Kelce had a relatively normal home life, so it didn't mean as much to him as it did to Rafe. "Of course." I assured him, laughing as he rushed over to hug me, "thank you." He whispered, pulling back. "But hey, congrats man!" He pulled Topper in for a guy hug, Kelce following suit, "you picked a good one." He laughed, Topper nodded, "I picked the best one." Topper answered, I smiled at the group of boys in front of me, "let's eat!" I wanted to escape the awkward silence as soon as possible, and that was the easiest way to do it. Everyone grabbed their plates, sitting down, we had normal chit chat while we ate, talking about anything that came to mind, I was grateful for us both to be surrounded by so many great friends. "So like, your dad is cool with this?" Rafe spoke as we finished eating, referring to the engagement, we all went blank, forgetting that he hadn't been in touch with us during all this, he was only allowed to talk to family, yet somehow he ended up with Zoe. "Um," Topper started off, scratching the back of his neck, "Pete actually passed away a couple weeks ago." His voice was soft, squeezing my thigh under the table, I placed my hand over his, reassuring him that I'm fine for the time being. "Oh my god, I'm sorry, I didn't-" "it's alright, Rafe." I cut him off, "let's just talk about something else." I added, giving him a soft smile, I don't want to be rude, it's the last thing he needs. "Right, uh okay.." he trailed off, unsure on what to talk about. "When's the wedding?" Kelce offered, "Don't know." Topper answered, shooting him a glare, still on the subject of us getting married, with me sitting there thinking about how my dad won't be there. "If you don't mind, I'm just going to go upstairs, you guys just hang out, alright." I whispered to Topper, placing a quick kiss to his cheek, standing up before he could protest, he knew I needed to just be alone.

I stripped myself of my clothes, deciding on taking a hot shower, for two reasons, to relieve the muscles pulling in my back, and so I can cry in silence. I tied my hair up in a bun as the water warmed up, stepping underneath it with a sigh, I felt my body relax as the water ran down me, soothing my right muscles. I began to feel the tears coming on, but I didn't fight it, I needed to let them flow, I needed to just let my body do what it has to do. All I could do was wonder why, why me? Why was I chosen to go so much heart break in one year, it makes no sense, I'm a good person. I didn't do anything to deserve this, but I have to tell myself, everything happens for a reason, as horrible as it sounds, one day this will all make sense.

I've been in the shower so long that the water was beginning to get cold, I jumped at the sound of the bathroom door opening. "Topper?" I called, panicking, "it's me baby, relax." He mumbled, he stuck his head behind the shower curtain, looking me over, not in a sexual way, but in a concerned caring way. "I think it's time to get out, Kenz." He whispered, reaching to turn the water off, I shivered at the loss of the remotely warm water. He disappeared for a moment before returning, pulling the curtain aside, he stood there, arms spread open, holding a towel for me. "Come here." He smiled softly, I stepped in front of him, laughing lightly when he wrapped the towel around me. "I can take care of myself, babe." I muttered, although I must admit it felt nice to know he would do anything for me, even if it's as simple as wrapping me in a towel. "Just let me take care of you." He sighed, faking annoyance as he pressed a kiss to my lips, "the boys left?" I mumbled, smiling at the warmth coming from him, he nodded, pulling me behind him to our room. I watched in admiration as he pulled one of his old t-shirt's out and a brought it to me, I smiled taking it from him and not caring that the towel fell from my body, he's seen me more times than I can count. I pulled the fabric over my head, inhaling the scent as I did so, he laughed lightly, going into the bathroom himself, I heard the water turn back on, I sighed, I slipped on a pair of underwear and climbed into bed, patiently waiting for him to return.

Only a few minutes later, Topper came back out, sweatpants dangerously low, the band of his boxers being visible, I bit the corner of my lip as he laid down beside me. "I love you." I sighed, leaning into his side, tracing shapes into his bare chest, "and I love you."

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