The Heart Doctor

Forty-six

Nakabalik na ako sa unit ni Jia pero parang hindi ko pa din lubos naisip ang nangyayari sa pag uusap namin ni Bea. It's not what I imagined. I thought I was the one who will end our relationship. I was expecting to at least sway my decision pero kahit katiting wala siyang pinakita, sinabi or pinaramdam na kasalanan ko.

Sa katunayan inisip ko pa kanina kung panaginip lang yun pero hindi.

"Bea, wait... You are letting me go?" I asked to clarify.

She gave a weak smile and said. "Yes, Jema. I'm letting you go because I want you to be really happy. Alam ko kasing hindi talaga ako ang makakapagbigay sayo nun. Tsaka mas nararapat ang kapatid ko para sayo."

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinasabi niya.

"Deanna can give you her lifetime and I know na hindi ka niya sasaktan. At least, mapapanatag ang loob ko na nasa mabuti kang tao. I know Deanna loves you so much - ever since and she's been really patient in having you. Kaya sana wag mo siyang isuko. Ipaglaban mo din yang nararandaman mo para sa kanya." She continued.

"How can you say all of these things?" I asked.

"Jema, hindi ako bulag at lalong marunong akong makaramdam. Alam ng puso at isip ko na si Deanna talaga ang laman niyan..." She said pointing on my chest.

I just looked at her eyes and saw nothing but pain. Nasasaktan ko si Bea.

"Lagi kong napapansin how you look at her, and pag nagseselos ka kay Rosie. How you talk about her and your eagerness to hear how she is. I saw how disappointed you were when she started ignoring you. And most of all, I heard you talk about her with Mafe sa kubo sa Quezon. Sobrang sakit nun Jema. Pero triny ko na wag intindihin pero napakahirap. nagbulagbulagan din ako. It took me some time to realize na kailangan na talaga kitang pakawalan." Her crying continued.

"Ang sakit isipin na you only saw everything na ginawa ko for you and your family as utang na loob. I did all of those things freely kasi mahal kita. Besides, I know that you and your family took care of Deanna and so it's just my way of thanking you all. Hindi ko gusto na nakikita mo lang lahat ng yun as something na kailangan ng kapalit. At lalong ayaw kong isipin mo na kabayaran nun yung nangyari sa atin. I just tried to make you feel how much I love you pero mukang you did not make love with me that time. You just agreed because you want to give it to me as kabayaran for everything." she blurted out.

"I'm really sorry..." I said.

"I know you are, I just want you to know. I don't want to keep anything from you anymore and since baka last na natin itong pag uusap. Pero alam mo, sana kinausap mo ako noon pa and mas maging open ka about how you feel. Willing naman kasi akong makinig and even ilet go ka if it will really make you happy. Sobrang mahal na mahal kita Jema. I am willing to give up everything and give you everything that I have. Even to the point na kaya kong isacrifice yung sarili kong kasiyahan just to see you really happy." she continued.

"I'm sorry Bea... I loved you... Hindi naman balewala lahat ng pinagsamahan natin..." I tried to explain.

"Alam ko. Naramdaman ko naman na minahal mo ako. Just as not as much you love my sister. Naintindihan ko na naman na naduwag ka to face her kaya di mo siya nirecognize agad as someone you know. And nirespeto ko yun, I even tried to explain it to Deanna. I gave you both chances pero nagmatigas ka. So inakala ko din talaga na baka ako nga talaga ang pinipili mo. But then your actions tell me otherwise." she replied.