Janto - Highschool au

Sadness and rage

He was laying on his bed when he got the call. It was nearly midnight. His face was red raw with crying, he knew he and ianto could make it work... couldn't they. He finally glanced at the name on the ringing phone he couldn't deal with Gwen or... it was ianto. There had to be something seriously wrong... ianto wouldn't call him so soon. "Hello?" He whispered down the line not realising how scratched his voice sounded. There was a woman on the end, she sounded as if she was hysterically crying "I'm so sorry.. they couldn't stop him... it all happened so fast... he was still so weak he..." she trailed off, jack's world began to spin "what happened ... what's happened to ianto" he demanded from the woman's who he suspects is Ianto's mother. "He's dead ... he's gone... his father didn't mean to he was just so angry and..." the phone line went dead. Jack's world turned black and white... again. Things always went wrong... always so wrong when he loved someone. He began to sob through his shock letting the phone fall from his hands. The clock stuck midnight as he fell into his pillow. A small figure appeared in the door "why are you crying" grey asked innocently. Jack couldn't deal with him right now he thought he was going to dismiss grey with a rude gesture, instead he found himself screaming at the six year old "MY BOYFRIEND JUST DIED NOW GO AWAY" he yelled into the night. Grey looked startled, suddenly awake despite only having woken up ten minutes ago to the sound of sobbing. He knew what death was. His dad was dead. It meant you could never ever see or talk to them again. Except ... he hadn't known his dad all that well, he was too young, but now... "ianto??" He whispered fearfully tears filling his eyes. Jack nodded at his younger brother, hating how grown up the six year old suddenly sounded. Grey had only met ianto a few times but he viewed him like another older brother. The six year old almost floated across the room like a ghost, before scrambling into jack's lap. Their mum arrived in the doorway, wondering what all the screaming had been about. She hadn't prepared to find both her sons huddled on the bed, sobbing. It scared her, she hadn't seen jack sob like this since his dad... or John... he wasn't even trying to console grey he was just sobbing as he held the boy close. But why was he if the only times she'd ever seen him like this was?..... oh god... ianto. "Jack?" She tried tentatively "what happened?". Her son turned to look at her as tears continued to pour down his face, he pressed his lips into a thin line as they trembled with emotion. He opened his mouth to speak ... his mouth was dry, he swallowed and tried again "he's dead" he whispered hoarsely "he's dead...Ianto's dead". She tried to walk across the room, she tried to hug him but... he dodged her. Instead he handed grey to her, "I need to go out". It was the middle of the night but she let him go "jack..." she stopped him halfway out the door "don't ... just promise me you won't do anything stupid?". He offered her a tight lipped smile, tugging his sleeves down guiltily and self consciously "promise" he confirmed with a nod. And with that he was gone. A scarily blank expression over coming his features.

The cold air turned the tears in his cheeks to icicles as he walked briskly. He was a man on a mission. What that mission was? He didn't know. But he would soon find out.

He entered the clearing, shuddering at the place where he knew ianto had once laid. His foot caught on something. Something cylindrical. He bend down and picked it up. They felt hot in his hand as he shook it. The bottle of pills. Turning the bottle in his hand he considered it... he really did. "Don't do anything stupid" his mums voice rang out in his head. He turned the cap and stared into the bottle of pills, the moon lighting them up. He felt sick. Suddenly his mind filled with pictures. Grey. Grey crying. Grey laughing. Grey, his baby brother. Grey who needed him. He tipped the bottle and the pills fell to the ground. He ground them into the mud with his heel, he hated them. That's when he saw it. The koala. He walked hesitantly towards it and gingerly picked it up brushing it down. He held in his hand and snuffled into its fur, the same way he had seen ianto do. It was strangely calming, but then... it hit him. The smell of Ianto's aftershave and the smell of ianto in general. The tears started again. The fell hot and heavy to the ground. "I'm sorry ianto" he sobbed out loud. His tears turned from sadness to rage as he tucked the koala into his coat pocket. He kicked the ground and stormed over to the log. He glared at it before he kicked it with force and gave a cry of range and anguish "why him!" He shouted to the moon and the stars "WHY NOT ME ...ANSWER THAT !! WHY DO YOU TAKE EVERYONE BUT ME.... IM NOTHING ... YOU HEAR ME IM NOTHING" he bellowed but then, as quickly as it had appeared, the rage was gone. He crumpled to the floor with a strangled cry. He really was nothing. And he'd failed ianto.. and John... and his dad... he'd failed everyone who mattered to him. He shuddered at the thought of losing grey or his mother ... or both. He hated it... couldn't anyone see... couldn't anyone hear... couldn't anyone save him?...

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No it's not the end of the story ... plz don't stop reading there's more to come haha :(