Lovely Bastards (BxB) (MxM)

Chapter 21- Shattered

His blood ran cold.

As he stared at the text and the sound of static rose to fill his ears, droning out the other man's words.

"...What?"

Amos raised an eyebrow. 

"I said, do you want to stay with me tonight?"

"I - " he swallowed, trying to focus his swirling thoughts, the new waves of panic rolling over him.

Hunter. Work, what will I do with my work? Should I quit? Should I -

"I can't."

I can't do this. What am I doing?

He would talk to Kit. He would - ask. About Hunter. About what he should do. Kit might know - he seemed to know things.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

Charles didn't know what else to do. Ask Amos - no, no then Amos would know about Hunter and that would -

"I've got to bring Kit home," he said with a voice that sounded much steadier than he felt, as panic threatened to wash over him. It only wavered a little.

The other man frowned, regarding him.

"He has gotten you home more than once this late on a weekend, so I'm sure he could manage himself."

"I just need to - "

"Okay, hush. Baby," a little shiver unrelated to dread passed through Charles at the endearment, and Amos's frown softened,

"You don't need an excuse. But if you think you can run out on me every time, I'm warning you, that's not how I play. Have you done this before? Properly?"

"Properly?"

"With a regular partner? Do you want a dom, or is this just something you've been experimenting with casually?"

"Well..."

He'd had Hunter. But what was between them really?

What do you want, Charles?

Did he still have him? And what would Amos think about that?

Maybe I should have thought a bit further ahead...

"I, um... I w-want a dominant, I think..."

Amos looked at him, patient, waiting. He looked so inviting, sure, comforting - and yet a tidal wave of anxiousness crashed over Charles, doubt crowding in, his breaths speeding up as the floor seemed to sway under his feet. 

"I-I can't. I'm sorry. I can't right now."

Panic threatened to overtake him, and he felt strong, warm hands on waist, steadying him. The room stopped spinning a bit, his breathing slowing incrementally. 

Amos straightened, taking the blond's chin in a firm grip the way he had before and searching his eyes. Charles loved the way he dominated him without being violent, just assumed complete control over his body. It made him melt a little each time.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

He stared at him a moment longer and then stepped back, leaving him standing there, knees shaking, alone. 

"You have my card." Amos looked distant again, far away, aloof. Charles's heart ached at the change. "Let me know if you change your mind."

"Alright," he whispered, looking down, the air around him cold and empty. 

He just had to -

I have to sort this. I have to - come up with a plan. It will be fine.