Lovely Bastards (BxB) (MxM)

Chapter 6 - Deflections and Denial

Life becomes a defiance - when you live despite death. Not resigned of fearful, waiting for or trying to ignore an inevitable end.

Kit had always fought to survive, ever since he had realised that if anyone was going to look out for him, to love him - it would have to be himself. No-one else gave a damn.

But now... Am I losing my mind?

Last night had felt so real. It couldn't have been a dream...it must have been an hallucination.

He had spent the entire time curled into a ball, holding still and waiting for it to pass, for his senses to go back to normal. Feeling fur against his wet nose, smelling scents he didn't have names for, bending his body in ways it wasn't supposed to bend.

Finally, at dawn, he had felt that horrible, bone-melting feeling again and come to his senses, naked and shivering.

Kit hoped - hoped - that someone had drugged him, because it would mean he wasn't going crazy. For all he knew, his biological dad could have been schizophrenic or something...

Damn it, he just wanted to forget the whole thing.

I can't deal with this right now. I can't.

Intending to go search through the cabinets again, he headed out into the kitchen, only to face Charlie straightening a fresh shirt, hair damp as if he had just gotten out of the shower, eyes bloodshot and hands still a bit shaky.  

"Are you... okay, Kit? You look...You seem... Did something happ - "

Yeah, no, not going there. 

He wheeled around and faced away, bristling. 

"Nothing besides bringing back my good-for-nothing alcoholic uncle from the brink of death - why do you ask?"

"I - I'm - " He gulped. "I'm not an alcoholic..."

"Yes, you are. Look, you go out and get that drunk once a week, maybe you're just young, Charlie. Do it every day, and you got a problem. Admit it!"

He took a deep breath. Deep down he knew that berating hung-over Charlie was probably a bad idea, but right then he just wanted someone else to feel as bad as he did.

"My mom used to say, 'There's a curse on our family.' Said her dad told her that - he was an alcoholic too, right?"

"Well, its.... It's - um, hereditary. Addiction. It's not a curse..."

"Might as well be."

"And I'm not an alcoholic."

"Yeah, you are. You're an addict same as me!" Kit told him, spinning to face him again.

Shit. He closed his eyes. Didn't mean to say that.

"You are...?"

He opened them. No way to take the words back.

"Yeah. That's what I said."

"What is...?"

"My curse? It's. Sex."

"There is no curse!"

"There is. I mean, of course it's not some sort of black magic, but addiction is a curse. Everyone in our family has it. It's real and it's gonna getcha. Just accept that - at least then you know what you have to work with."

"Is that what Kitty taught you? It's inevitable, so just learn to cope?"

"So what if it was! It's true! You've got something coming if you think you'll be magically rehabilitated some day. Do you even go to AA?"