Cherry Pie

Finding the Light

[Dean]

Our dad's truck pulled onto the side of the road behind us. He called earlier to say that he and Rayne got held up and to wait till they caught up to us. But as soon as he got out and he was alone, I knew exactly why they were held up, and I knew that we were only waiting for him.

Rayne's ominous comment about four starting to feel like a crowd accompanied by Castiel's warnings had been grading on my nerves the entire ride, and I begrudgingly knew that her departure was inevitable, I just hadn't realized that it would come so soon.

Standing with my legs spread and my arms crossed, I glared at my father. He met my eyes with a steady gaze, looking completely unapologetic. My jaw was rigid, holding back every curse and accusation that I so badly wanted to throw at him.

"Dad, where's Rayne?" Sam asked.

John was still looking at me as he replied. "She's gone."

Sam's eyes bulged. "What? What do you mean gone? Where did she go?"

He answered only to me again, as if he was saying it for my benefit — making sure that I heard him correctly. "She had to leave and she doesn't want you going after her."

The hurt, the anger, and confusion inside me burst forth and dragged my body towards my father. It drew my fist back and sent it flying at his face where it connected with his jaw with a sickening thud.

John seemed to be expecting it because he didn't fight back, only continued to stare at me while he rubbed his sore face. I pointed a shaking finger inches away from his nose, my chest heaving with adrenaline and torment. "That was not your decision to make," I snarled.

John responded calmly, "You're right. It was hers."

"Where. Is. She."

His eyes narrowed with that disapproval that was oh so familiar to Sam and I, and I knew that he was done with letting me take it out on him. "You know, Son, ever since I showed up, you insisted on making me believe that she meant nothing to you. I didn't think you would care that she left. What changed?"

I had to refrain from hitting him again — mostly because he was right and he knew it. He was baiting me, trying to get me to admit my feelings. "Why are you doing this?"

He smiled tightly, without humor. "I'm not doing anything. You're doing it to yourself." He turned back towards his truck then before adding, "Don't worry though, I don't think she left entirely because of you."

My nostrils flared and my fist curled as the rage inside of me intensified. I had to get out. I had to do...something. Everything was happening just as Castiel said it would, but that didn't make it any easier.

Spinning around, I stomped over to the Impala and sped off before Sam could get in. I didn't know where I was going; the road ahead of me was tinged with red fury and the tires tore at the cracked asphalt recklessly. All I knew was that I had to get away from Sam's puppy-dog eyes that had been looking at me with nothing but pity as soon as John announced that Rayne left. I had to get away from my father's smug look. But most of all, I had to get away from my own damn self.

Dean Winchester didn't admit his feelings to anyone, least of all himself. And I sure as hell wasn't about to start now.

Sometime later I found myself turning onto a deserted path. I got out, slamming the door shut behind me, and stalked off blindingly into the middle of the barren field. The dry weeds crunched beneath my boots, making it the only other sound apart from my pounding heart. 

Rayne is gone. Rayne is gone. Rayne is gone.

It was the only thing I could think of. She left me, she most likely wasn't coming back; I had failed her. My insides felt like molten lava about to erupt.