Teach Me To Behave

15. Let It Go

I dragged my things down the bumpy side walk and became more frustrated with every step I took. Small items were falling out of my heavy bags, but I refused to leave anything behind. I had made up my mind at that point. I wasn't playing these games. I wanted this to be goodbye.

I finally rallied myself up to a ragged motel at the closest end of town. An older man sat in the glass booth, his eyes glued on a little television inside his work station. He noticed me walk up, and sits up from his seat before cranking his little window down. "I need a room." I demand before he even greets me. The man looks at me, he knows that I'm not in the mood for small talk of any sort. He turns behind him to the rack of keys and picks one up, sliding it outward. "I'll pay you after each night. I'm not sure how long I'll be staying." I slapped 75 dollars on the counter, covering for tonight.

The motel was old and run down, but not unlivable. It was cheap, semi-clean, but more importantly it had a roof over it's head without Bizzle underneath.

I hauled my couple carrier bags up the steps to the second floor and found my room. As I stepped onto the hardwood floor, something slipped out of my bag. I didn't notice it until I stepped on it and almost slid to my death over the plastic container. I threw my items from my hand and angrily picked up the item that almost caused me to fall. Birth control pills. Frustration hit me like a truck, I chucked the pill case into the wall and kicked one of my stupid clothes bags. The pills scattered on the floor and clothes toppled out of their bag.

I sat on the bed and rain my hand through my hair while taking a much needed breath. A knock on the door came within minutes of my silent peace. I dragged myself to the door and glanced through the peep-hole.

"What're you doing all the way out here-" Joey began but paused after locking eyes with me. He closed the door behind him, "What's wrong? What'd he do?" His eyes shifted to my wreck of belongings and scattered medication. His brows rose into a worried stance, "Mila, did you? Are you hurt? Did you-?" Joey grabbed my wrists and flipped my arms inside out.

I pulled them away from him, "I didn't do anything! Those are birth control pills that spilled, god Joey!" I rolled my eyes drastically. Back in high school, I didn't handle situations very well. I took pills and tried to hurt myself. Don't almost all girls do that nowadays? It's so wrong and so twisted, but not so different. I've grown though. I knew where his conclusions were coming from, I just wished he'd get them out of his head, it was years ago.

Joey joined me on the side of the bed, "What the hell are you doing in a motel at the end of town, Mila?" he said in calming voice, knowing that he'd hit a rough situation.

I closed my eyes, trying to force the tears that were building to stay beneath. "You were right." I put it simply. "Everyone was right." I choked.

Joey's head turned in my direction. He knew, he always knew. "He cheated on you." He doesn't ask, he doesn't need to.

I look upward at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from pouring out. I was happier then ever that Joey was here, he's the only person in the world that I can speak my true thoughts too. "It's like, I'm not surprised. I didn't expect him to just quit all his habits cold turkey." I sounded a little crazy. You'd think I'd be flaming with anger and harsh words to describe Justin, but I wasn't feeling rage over all. I couldn't describe it, I was just, confused. "But I expected him to treat me differently then the random girls he hooks up with. It just doesn't make sense. I know what we have is special, it's different."

"How are you so sure he is, or was, cheating?" Joey asks rubbing his hand down my back.

Then I felt my anger start to boil up,
but not as much as it should've. I shouldn't be feeling sad or disappointed. I should be angry! Justin hasn't only been cheating on me, but it's been multiple times. Adding the fact that he still refused to explain himself as he claims he has a defense. Any person with their head screwed right on their shoulders would feel complete betrayal and vexation. But nope, not me. I was literally forcing myself to think up reasons of why I should be upset with Justin.