Self Destruction is Such a Pretty Little Thing

She's An American Beauty, I'm An American Psycho

11/25/14
Hm. Happy Thanksgiving, although I'm not quite sure what we have to be thankful for. We live in a society of racist, sexist individuals. You should have heard my mother last night after the verdict in the Michael Brown case was released. I've never wanted to hit someone more. I am disgusted to know a murderer walked free last night. I am chilled to bone from the amount of support this despicable evil man received. My heart goes out to every protester out there tonight, I hope you all stay safe.

Amongst all of this anger and rioting I got experience something super awesome today. I got to back to endocrinologist, and good news if my blood tests come back normal then I get to wait another six months before I have to go back, if not then I get to change my entire synthroid dosage.

In other news, I got a job. I'm working at McDonald's on the weekends. It probably sounds like a hellish greasy job but at least I'm not stuck at home with the people who call themselves my parents. Who scream at me for no reason when they are aching for a sniff. My job offers freedom in the way of mot being forced to stay at home and it gives me something I need to escape- money. Sure minimum wage isn't a lot but its sure as hell filling my bank account better than no job.

I did not make it in to the Governor's Honors thing. I didn't even make it to the second round but I am honored to have been nominated. After the interview, when they were telling us who made it and who hasn't they told me that all of my answers were perfect I was just too shy, which I guess I understand although I am sad to have missed out on such an opportunity.

I've started writing again, thankfully. Several short poems and I have ideas flitting through my head for a novel. The novel or story or whatever it will be is going to be based on the idea of metaphysical solipsism- the idea that everything around is a bi product of your imagination, basically the only real thing is yourself, and who can prove that wrong. It's going to be really cool if I ever get around to writing it. The person you can thank for this is actually this really hot guy in my theatre class. He was showing a friend and I a few of his drawings and the idea for a poem flashed into my head, ever since the ideas keep coming- some better than others but ideas none the less. Here I'll put one of my favorites here.
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I am not beautiful or glorious. I am not
A sunrise or an ocean view. I am
The sound of ice cracking. I am cold
And brittle and breaking all over. I will
Shatter when I fall with a dull thud. I will
Lay in a thousand tiny pieces and apologize
For my awkward sadness. And I will be
Alone just like before.

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I don't know. I like it, maybe you do too. The spacing is kind of weird but I think that's because I'm writing on the app.
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American Beauty/American Psycho- Fall Out Boy