Self Destruction is Such a Pretty Little Thing

What Is A Man Who Lays His Hand On His Lover?

What Is A Man Who Lays A Hand On His Lover?

Jennifer, The Party's Over

I've divulged the following information to no one except for the few reading this now. I'm sick of keeping it to myself. A few years ago my mother, father, and I went to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. My sister didn't go because she was to busy "bowling" with my crackhead aunt and her former boyfriend. She complains about it to this day. If only she knew, I didn't enjoy that trip, she wouldn't have enjoyed it either. The first night my parents were completely and totally wasted. I don't really remember what happened next, but accusations were thrown. The next thing I knew they were hitting each other; attacking each other. I screamed through my sobs, telling them to stop, to leave each other alone. After what seemed like forever, they both hurled each other out the door of our hotel room. I screamed for them to come back, after what felt like hours they did return. They sat down my eleven(?) year old self and told me that for the remainder of the trip we would act like a family and when we got back they'd file for a divorce. It's fair to say that trip was not the fun time my sister is still jealous about. They're still together, but to this day I wonder what would've happened if it would have occurred to me to call the police, or if they actually gotten a divorce. Would I be in an orphanage now? Would my dad go back to jail(he's been in there multiple reasons; drugs, abuse of an officer, missing probation, and something else)? My mom wouldn't be able to take care of me on her own, so to the orphanage I would have gone? Whose to say I would've wanted her to raise me, anyway? There's the possibility of her going to jail, also. There was probably an abundance of drugs in the hotel room, so charges for too. So what would've happened to me, my sister, my family? These questions have plagued my mind for years, it's crazy how many 'ifs' there are to consider. How they still manage to keep me up at night, wondering when it'll happen again. This time I've been speaking about wasn't the first. It won't be the last either, and that scares the living shit out of me.

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