Self Destruction is Such a Pretty Little Thing

Cigarettes And Tiny Liquor Bottles, Just What You'd Expect

1/11/16

Let me tell you about someone I know. Let me tell you about this kid who's infinitely better than me, infinitely more funny, infinitely more talented, and probably infinitely more fucked up.

Let me tell you about this fifteen year old kid who is so God damned funny it pisses me off, who can snap into character at the drop of a hat, who never wears shoes. Let me tell you about the kid who begged for five dollars so he could buy Christmas gifts, who was surprised when I bought him a burger after we walked to the gas station before rehearsal. Let me tell you about this kid who is so witty I find it personally insulting sometimes. Let me tell you about this brilliant kid, who could probably do anything he wanted, whose breath always smells of alcohol. Whose school bag is always weighted down with tiny bottles of wine and whiskey. Who has begged me for a lighter I don't own. Who while outwardly unpleasent is one of the most caring people I know, who has something inside him that terrifies me, something that reminds me of myself, which is terrifying in itself.

Let me tell how pissed off I am that this fifteen year old kid who is brilliant is already drowning his demons in a bottle, let me tell you how pissed I am that this fifteen year old kid is a year older than I was when I tried to kill myself. Let me tell you how fucking terrifying it is that this kid who I barely know, but means so much to me, is on a darker road than I am. Let me tell you how fucking terrifying it is to think that when I was his age I was drowning in self hate and ruining my skin daily and and swallowing pills from three different bottles and praying to a God I don't believe in for the courage to down all the pills I could find. Let me tell you how much it scares me that this kid could be going down the same road I did.

New Americana- Halsey