One year

Chapter 20

Harry's POV

I looked intently at the journal the was now in my hands. Liam pulled a chair from the dining room into the living room in order to sit in front of and watch me.

"Li, are you sure you want this? They aren't like that upbeat of songs like I wrote these in some of my worst moments. I obviously want to be nothing but transparent with you, but this might not be easy." I glanced up at Liam before quickly looking back down at the journal. He grabbed my chin gently, making me look him in the eyes again. He gave me a soft smile and ran his thumb under my bottom lip.

"I want to hear you, Harry. I don't want you to feel like your voice has to be silenced in this house. Like yes, I do love that you're strong and protective over Tyler and I but I also want you to know that if you need it, you can let go, yeah? You can always let yourself go Haz." Liam's voice started trembling towards the end, his voice slightly breaking. I swallowed thickly and nodded, my voice was lost in my throat and I knew if I tried to speak it would just be a sob that came out.

I pulled away slightly and opened the journal. I flipped to the back, running my fingers over the back folder where all my deepest feelings lied. I pulled out the papers, I have so many songs back here. They all meant a lot to me; when I didn't feel strong enough to speak my truth I put it on paper in the form of a song; I really should pay Louis for all he did, who would've thought that this would be how I handled the whirlwind of emotions I went through?

I flipped through some of the songs, mainly reading the titles. Each title made a memory flash into my mind, they all held so much power and significance. I handed the stack to Liam.

"Pick your poison baby," I said once my throat opened back up. He flipped through them, reading just the titles, not the lyrics, before stopping on one.

"I want to hear them all at some point, but let's start with this one." He handed me one of them before neatly folding the rest back up, putting them back in the pocket. I looked over the song and felt my chest swell; this song was exactly how I felt about Liam through the whole year we were apart, this song meant and still does mean everything to me.

" 'Falling' huh, why'd you choose this one?" I questioned, playing with the piece of paper.

"I don't know honestly, something's drawing me into it, like that's the one I need to hear first I guess." He shrugged, not thinking much of it. But I think much of it. This song was the easiest one to write, but also the hardest. I wrote it in twenty minutes, but the pain in it and the emotion was the hard part. The lyrics bleed pain, sadness, hatred, and fucking grief. I grieved the death of our love, the death of my family, and mostly the death of any self-love I had and I made it into a song. I knew I needed to sing it for him though, he needs to know how I felt, about everything.

"Okay baby, I'll sing this to you, you kept the music room right?" I was hesitant to ask that question. Yes, I have been back in our home for quite a while now, but I've always been scared to breach the subject of the music room. I feared he got rid of it all and just turned it into a guest room or something. It held so much significance to me that I hadn't even opened that door since I got back, because Christ, I don't know what I would do if everything was gone.

"Of course I did Haz, that room was your baby practically! I didn't understand why because I never really saw you play an instrument in there or sing but I mean, now it all makes sense. I would never get rid of something of yours, I mean this place is just as much mine as it was yours, hell it was more yours than mine. Even when you left I kept all your belongings, just in case you ever-ever came back." He choked out the last part, emotion evident once again as we reflected on the past.