Bound By Madness

57. Finding Comfort

"Faith? Sweetness? Cicero needs you to come back to him. Please?" I felt warm hands slowly cup my face, my eyes blinking open as I woke up to find my Jester Assassin and the Listener both knelt before me as I leaned against the rocky wall just outside the Sanctuary.

Cicero? Listener? How did we get back so quickly? We were just passing Ivarstead, weren't we? Or was that Helgen? We were going to sneak past Helgen again, right?

"Faith, we skirted past Helgen two days ago, but then you refused to get back on the horse. Heck, when we got here, you wouldn't even come inside. I had to go in and get Cicero. Do you know how hard it was to get past Astrid without her asking too many questions? Luckily she was distracted by the letter from Delvin, but that will only last for so long, Faith. Please, come inside with us?" The Listener spoke quickly but quietly, his eyes wide as he looked at me strangely.

I don't remember that... Why don't I remember? I thought I'd stopped losing days again. Did Ellery take the days with him when he... No, no, he said he was just going back home, that he wasn't leaving me. He didn't leave me, did he?

"Sweet Faith? Did something happen with Ellery? Why would he leave alone to come back to the Sanctuary? Did Ellery have an argument with dear Faith? Cicero doesn't understand," the Jester Assassin slowly leaned forward to press his forehead gently against my own.

Reaching up with both hands, I grasped at his shoulders and couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

I don't know, my Cicero. He just got so upset all of a sudden. We'd been talking about the Pretender and the bald Imperial she sent us to, how he knew things he shouldn't. Then suddenly he got upset because I hadn't been working much on his cap because I was focusing so much on you and the Family and going on contracts and I've barely even finished a cap since I arrived, Cicero! How can I make him happy if I'm not even keeping my promise to him? He thinks I'm forgetting about him...

"Sweetness, Faith... Of course not. Faith could never forget about her Ellery. He has been with her for too long to just forget him. Perhaps if dear Faith and Cicero spent a day with Ellery? We could talk while Faith stitches his cap together? Does Faith think that would put a smile back on Ellery's face?" He ran his fingers through my hair, looking at me with a lingering sadness in his eyes, but still a small smile was on his lips.

I pulled him into a hug, nodding my head into his shoulder. I wasn't sure about it, but I would try anything to get my Ellery to forgive me. Maybe he would understand how much I needed him. And how impossible it was to choose between him or Cicero... I couldn't make that choice.

Maybe once, back before I had given my heart to the man, to my sweet Jester Assassin, but not anymore. Just the thought of having to choose between them was enough to begin pulling at the stitches holding me together. I needed to finish the new stitches, before the ones in my mind gave out.

"Faith? You're trembling... Let Cicero help you get inside," he said as he wrapped an arm around my legs and another slipped under my shoulders, lifting me gently from the ground. "Cicero will take care of his Faith. He won't let her break, he promises."

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I could hear the Pretender again, arguing quietly with the Listener as he blocked her from entering the room. Turning back toward the candlelight, I tried to hold the needle steady as I continued the line of stitches. I paused to take a steadying breath for a moment before putting needle to cloth once more, already knowing that this cap would be refused but determined to try anyhow. I owed it to Ellery to at least try.

"If lovely Faith needs to take a break, Cicero is willing to try talking with Ellery again. He's sure that Ellery would be willing to speak with Faith at least, if not with Cicero as well. Cicero doesn't want his sweet Faith to hurt her fingers again because she was tired from sewing for so long," my Jester Assassin said as he scooted up behind me on the bed, leaning carefully against my back as he watched my hands, his arms wrapping around my waist.

Sighing, I set my hands down to rest in my lap, leaning my head back against his shoulder.

I'm not sure what to do, my Cicero. Ellery spends so much time away from me since we returned. And he refuses to talk to anyone but Amicus, whispering to him so I can't even hear what he says. I... I feel like I'm losing him, except that Amicus insists Ellery won't leave us behind. Still, I can't help but worry that, even if he stays, he will not be mine any longer.

"Don't be stupid. If I'm not yours, who's would I be? Foolish Faith, do you really think I would leave you just because I got upset? Do you even know how many times I would have left if that was the case?" Ellery grumbled as he entered the room, his arm lowering from the gesture he'd made as he passed the False Leader.

Ellery! You're talking to me again? Did... Did you forgive me for upsetting you this time, then?

"No, but I also don't want you thinking I'm going to leave you. You should know better than that by now, Faith. You're smarter than this. If you can't pick us over him, if it is really too late for that... then I shall simply have to make sure he doesn't take more of your attention than he deserves to have," my Jester crossed his arms as he looked down at the cap sitting within my lap, a dark brow raised as he frowned at the shaky stitching. "Oh, Faith. You can do better than that, can't you?"

Of course, Ellery! I'll start over again!

The smile on my face was so big it almost hurt, but I couldn't have been happier at that moment with Ellery in front of me and my Cicero and Amicus behind me. The ones I cared most about were right there with me and that was all that mattered.