Married by Proxy {18+}

23- The Stranger

~Nevaeh~

Sitting on the bed next to Papi, my finger cautiously skids over a set of stitches in a spot where his coarse hair has been shaved. I'm absorbed in every cut and bruise on his face. He's practically a corpse already; no life surrounds him. Someone with a lot of madness did this and I can't understand why.

All but one wall of this room are glass with ugly, lima bean-colored shower curtains that block the view of the bustle in the halls. I can hear the chatter of the nurses and see feet outside the see-through wall where fabric stops.

Belle sighs as he relaxes in the chair next to us, unintentionally drawing attention to him. A ghost of a simper flashes at me to coax my words. Peering down and sniffling, I take Papi's hand. Then, lift it onto my legs before leaning forward to place my other on his face.

"I'm here, " I whisper through a parched throat. "I'm so sorry for lashing out at you for lying. I know how mamà can be. If you agreed to this so willingly, it was to protect me. It had to be. Even if it wasn't, I forgive you ."

Touching his forehead to mine, I exhale a precarious gust of air "I need you to wake up and tell me you heard me because I can't live the rest of my days, remembering how cruel I was to you. I will never be able to rest peacefully at night, not knowing if you were sure I loved you. My last moments with you can't be defiled by hate and anger, so please, please come back to me."

There's no silencing the pain I feel and my cries echo through the dim room. It's like I'm falling into a pit of darkness and self-disgust. That's right, I hate myself. The logical reasons why I shouldn't don't mean anything. His betrayal doesn't matter. I'm pissed that I let my pain wipe away everything he's done. He's always been here for me, no matter what. Different than my mother, I've never doubted his love and affection.

The more upset I become, the stronger the flashbacks of my debut night are. They're so vivid that I can swear I've gone back in time. When Belle's touch draws me out of the memories, I leap off the bed and back away from him, protesting his kindness with a head shake.

In complete shock by my action, his eyes round and he tries to step closer. No, I don't deserve his sympathy or his comfort.

I hold my arm out, pointing a finger at him. "Don't!"

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"I'm an awful person, that's what! Why should I get to be happy and feel safe when he's like this?"

"That's not your fault!" He shouts, scowling at me with his hand directed at my papi.

"I know that! But he's going to die, believing that I hate him! I was so awful to him!"

Softening up, Belle tries again to cuddle me, but my mind won't accept it. I push him away and hurry to slide open the door. As I run down the hall, multiple voices are hollering my name. I refuse to look back. I have to escape this place.

Fresh air, that's all I need. Just a minute to breathe and allow myself to suffer anything but fear. Blaming myself is better than this hopeless pit in my stomach that keeps telling me I can't save him. I'm helpless and I'm a fool.

Once I've cleared the building I tumble and lose my footing, crashing to my hands and knees. I just give up on my strength. It's not coming back so why fight?