Alive [Lirry]

18.

The whole way back to the hotel from his best friend's house, Liam Payne had been fighting with himself. One part of him wanted to just knock on Harry's door and apologize, maybe even kiss him senseless like Zayn had advised. But the other part, the rational part just wanted to stay away from Harry. At least for now. It will be hard as they always have to work together with Liam being Harry's bodyguard and all, but Liam will try. He will try to be strictly friends with Harry because it will be easy for him. Of course it will be.

Because Harry had been confused when he'd kissed Liam. He is mistaking Liam's friendship for something else, and Liam can't help it if Harry has feelings for him. Harry just needs to move on for his own good because this can never work. Liam can't let it happen. Why? Simply because he doesn't want to hurt Harry further by giving him false hope.

As Liam parked his bike in the hotel's parking lot and took off his helmet, he kept thinking. He just can't do it. He can't talk to Harry, at least not right now. Because he'll end up saying so much more and that would prove to be dangerous and fuck things up even more.

And Harry should have known better than to kiss Liam. He brought this on himself, so now Harry should just understand Liam's reasons for staying away from him. Liam is not good with this stuff.

Bryson, Liam's old boss, had chosen him was the job of an assassin because Liam had always been a bit out of touch with his emotions. He had never let anything phase him. When his parents had died, Liam had experienced grief, gut-wrenching grief, but after that, there had been nothing. Nothing. He had never hoped of being adopted.

Liam groaned in frustration as he dismounted his parked bike, speed-walking past the lobby and towards the elevator, harshly punching the buttons as he wrapped his coat around himself. It was past midnight now, so the lobby was pretty empty as so were the elevators.

The doors pinged open, making Liam start and lose his train of thought. He shook his head and stepped inside, pressing his floor's button and leaning against the mirrored wall.

But now Harry was starting to make Liam feel, starting from that damned kiss, the way the bastard knows the effect he has on Liam, the way he goes from confident to vulnerable in seconds, his cheeky remarks, the way his eyes hold that distintive spark when he's happy-- and damn it, this was scaring Liam. This was not like him. He never noticed these little things about anybody, let alone recall them.

He had thought he was feeling something for Louis Tomlinson before, but that was just his competitive side coming out, and of making his best friend see past his stubborn-ness, and a bit of lust mixed in. Nothing else.

But isn't Liam being stubborn like Zayn had been with admitting his feelings for Louis?

No, Liam thought. There was chemistry there. They had an emotional story that was the cause of their love. They blindly care for each other. That's not how him and Harry are. At least Liam doesn't think so. But Harry wants that. But that can't happen. Ugh.

Liam breathed out in frustration as he stood in front of Harry's hotel room door, his palms flat on the polished wood, as he closed his eyes shut. He can't do this. Him coming to Harry room right now, will give Harry hope. And then it will crush him. Liam didn't want to do that.

God, but he had to. He had to stay away for both their good.

Liam sighed heavily as he stepped away from Harry's door, turning on his heel and walking back to his own room across the hall to spend a long, sleepless night.

Liam called himself fearless. But the truth is, he is the biggest coward out there because he can't even apologize to Harry, let alone try to return his feelings and push away his fear of being emotionally attached to someone, all while hiding behind the reason of not wanting to hurt Harry.

When by doing so, pushing Harry away, is hurting them both even more.

***

In his own hotel room, Harry Styles laid awake as he watched the sun come up. Sighing, he pulled himself out of bed, perching on the edge as he leaned his elbows on his kness, blinking his eyes as they stung from lack of sleep and crying. Wiping the dried tear streaks from his cheeks, Harry mentally cursed himself for once again letting his emotions get to him. He wished he had a thick skin like his twin brother Marcel.

Harry ran a frustrated hand through his curls. It was of no use now. Harry knew he should just grow a pair and these petty feelings for Liam go. Because they would only end up giving him heartbreak. Liam would never change. Liam would never talk about this. Damn you, Liam! Why couldn't he just admit it? Why couldn't he just let them try this out?

But Harry knew he is too weak to remain normal. He knows he won't be able to get rid of his feelings with seeing Liam almost every week.

Harry knew he was being cowardly. He knew he was being selfish. But he had decided.

He was going to ask Jackie to switch his bodyguard at breakfast today, and he himself would get Liam an even higher bodyguard job, not firing him per se.

They both shouldn't be around each other. And Harry was glad today was the last day before a long break from his shoots and interviews.

But what Harry and Liam both don't realise is because of their cowardly and selfish actions, trying to stay away from each other instead of talking it out, is going to hurt them both even more.