Alive [Lirry]

21.

His life was finally back to normal, except it wasn't.

Harry Styles slipped on his loose white tank top from yesterday along with black skinny jeans after a morning shower. Tugging a mustard colored beanie over his damp curls, the green eyed boy collected his keys, wallet and phone from the kitchen countertop and locking up his apartment almost robotically, made his way outside on the sunny streets of downtown Los Angeles.

Squinting his eyes from the brightness, Harry unhooked his Aviators from the front of his tank top and pushed it up his nose.

His feet followed the memorized path to the closest Starbucks coffee shop, and minutes later, Harry found himself ordering his usual vanilla frappuchino.

This was Harry's everyday routine for when he isn't booked for work, and he cherished these days, he enjoyed the solitude. But now it didn't settle with him.

He didn't feel like his old self anymore.

He felt empty now. He didn't feel the same about anything anymore, not since what happened almost two months ago, and it was stupid actually, how Harry still couldn't let go of Liam Fucking Payne.

While waiting for his drink, Harry slipped his phone out and reluctantly pressed the power key, biting hard on his lower lip in anticipcation.

A pained sigh escaped his lips and his slender fingers clenched around his phone tighter as his emarald eyes read over Liam Payne's last text, begging him to just talk to him once again, to just give him another chance but no.

No. Harry cannot give him another chance. Not only because Liam doesn't deserve it in Harry's eyes, but also because Harry knew what would happen if he does give Liam a chance.

Harry would just go back to him because yes, he fucking missed Liam. And his feelings for the stubborn, confusing and adorably frustrated assassin turned bodyguard were just the same as they were when Harry had kissed him on the hotel balcony that fateful night.

Harry missed Liam. And it was physically hurting him, ignoring Liam's calls and deleting Liam's texts. Why? Why now? Why couldn't Liam just have his so called epiphany a month ago, before he had to go and hurt Harry and fuck with his emotions and make him feel like he was being clingy?

How did everything clear up for Liam all of a sudden?

Sometimes, this made Harry question if Liam actually had intentions to lead him on and break his heart, and wasn't just confused over his feelings.

Feelings. Turns out Liam did have feelings for him, or so his texts say.

But no. Harry already had been stupid enough. There had been Hilary, who had already used and tossed him away, inflicting a wound, and then Harry had taken the plunge inside the well on his own, when he had fallen for the bodyguard who couldn't even get in touch with his own feelings, let alone realise Harry's, and now had hurt him in the same fashion.

But there was a difference. Harry didn't feel used this time, he felt crushed. This time, it was his partially his own fault.

But he knows what they say. You can't choose who you fall for. Bot you can choose who you decide to persue. Harry didn't persue Liam per se, he had just felt Liam was a bit too uptight when they had met, and Harry had never been one to feel at ease around such people who didn't know how to cut loose.

Before Harry had met Liam, he didn't really care much about his actions or their consequences, and surprisingly so, Liam had made Harry realise that sometimes being a bit too much carefree isn't a good thing. You have to keep the people you live in mind. And most of all, you have to think of yourself, and your well being and happiness that always comes first.

And so when Harry had met him, he felt no harm is loosening Liam up by turning his charm up a few notches. Not a problem.

But what Harry had never guessed was that he'd actually end up falling hard for Liam. Because of the way he cared for Harry, not making it seem like his job even though he denied his actions being out of his dutiful instinct.  How he knew about Harry's insecurities, and how Harry felt like it was second nature, breaking down and telling Liam everything. How Harry felt so comfortable being so close to him, when they hugged, his muscled bodt fitting perfectly with his lanky one, and how he felt on air when their lips touched.

Snapping out of his thoughts after hearing his name, Harry quickly collected his drink, getting stopped by fans only twice and forcing a smile for their pictures.

As soon as he was inside the confines of his house, Harry collapsed on his couch, leaving his coffee untouched, deleting his entire inbox and with shaking hands and blurry eyes, he blocked Liam's number.

Sobbing softly, Harry tossed his phone, sinking his head in his hands. Why can't he get over this already?

Why does he keep hanging over people who break his heart in two?

Why is he so sensitive to emotions?

And why the fuck did Harry- after all that Liam had done- want to talk to him again?

Even if Liam had hurt him countless times, rejected him, confused him, Harry pathetically still felt the same.

But Harry knew that Liam had just been confused. And he had been stupid. Hell, they both had been stupid. And staying away finally made them realise.

But of course Harry knew better. Naturally, he was protecting his heart from getting broken again. As much as he had wanted to reply to Liam's text and accept his call, he didn't. And finally, he had blocked his number.

So he should be relieved now, right? Liam would only hurt him again, and this was the first step in finally breaking all possible connections with him.

All Harry wanted was a decent apology then, they had both been at fault. A playful friendship had turned into so much more but both boys had handled the situation in all the wrong ways and ended up with confused feelings, misunderstandings and broken, empty hearts longing for each other.

And it was driving him crazy how Harry's heart and mind were engaged in a bloody battle. His heart wanting to just accept Liam's call, letting break the protective barrier that Harry had managed to construct around his heart over the months, just to deal with this situation.

But then there was his brain, warning him that Liam could not be trusted. Another chance will be too much of a risk.

And the risk taker, daredevil Harry? He was long gone.

And so Harry had decided to let his brain win for once, because his heart already was too damaged to put up a fight, in every sense of the phrase.

And at this moment, Harry will do anything to turn back time and reverse falling for, or just forget about his ex-bodyguard.

...

I feel like this chapter turned out really confusing and sucky and i apologize if you too felt that .-. pls tell me if its weird anywhere bc write solely about feelings and thought processes and less scenes is a bit confusing haha

hope you enjoyed anyway! do vote and comment

tysm if you voted for alive in the bromance awards! this book made it to the final round yay!

dont forget to vote for the last round if you still havent, maybe i might just win ;)

love you

zarrycupcake xx