Disorder in the Palace, Love Blossoms

Chapter 40 - Uncertainty

Xun Yu sat down on a bench beneath the many trees that comprised the royal garden. Plum blossoms and fresh green leaves lined the trees, their scents mingled with the air and gave it a sweet, delightful smell; however, despite the vibrant life before him, Xun Yu could only gaze at the scene with sadness.

It has been several years since the land was plunged into chaos, and yet I still cling to the hope that peace can one day be restored. I know that it will likely never be restored in my lifetime, so why do I keep hoping to achieve an unlikely future? Is a future of peace worth the blood that has been shed? I wish that there were easy answers to these questions that keep filling my head.

But, despite all of this, I am glad that I was able to meet a man like Cao Cao in this life. He fights to restore peace using any means, even if it earns the enmity of others, he is kind and generous to those loyal to his cause, and he is a great leader. I am glad that he cares so deeply for me. He even decided to hold off on attacking Liu Bei's army for two weeks after my reaction to Guo Jia's death, but I feel guilty – if I didn't show those emotions then we could finish this and be closer to ending this nightmare.

But if the war ends, then what will happen to us? Will we go our separate ways? Will I have outlived my usefulness? Will he still want me around? Even I am unsure of the future and the countless possibilities are unnerving. Fengxiao, I wish you were still here; you always knew what to say. One week has gone by so slowly since your passing, and after this week we will fight Liu Bei. I wish you were still here, maybe then I wouldn't feel so lost and overwhelmed...

***

"Xiahou Dun!" Cao Cao exclaimed so the man standing outside of his room could hear.

The man immediately rushed inside the modestly decorated room and bowed respectfully.

"My Lord?" Xiahou Dun inquired.

"You know that I trust you, right?" The ruler asked as he looked at Xiahou Dun with puppy dog eyes.

Xiahou Dun looked up at him with a confused glance. Why is he looking at me like that? His eyes then widened with the realization of where he has seen his Lord give him a similar look. Oh no, he usually has a favor to ask when he looks at me like that.

"Y-Yes, my Lord." Xiahou Dun stuttered.

"Excellent! I have a favor to ask of you. Xun Yu has been rather upset since Guo Jia's passing, and I am sure that you already understand his importance to our cause. Would you be so kind as to check on him for me? I need to read through these important documents that Man Chong gave me earlier, and I don't want anything to happen to him while I do this. I'm worried about him. Please make sure that he is okay." Cao Cao stated, avoiding looking directly at Xiahou Dun's face as he pretended to read the documents while waiting for Xiahou Dun's reply.

Xiahou Dun rolled his eyes in annoyance. I get why he would be so concerned about him, but why is he sending me to check on him? This behavior is unusual for our lord. In fact, he and Xun Yu are usually together, and I heard that Xun Yu recently passed out, so why is he sending me? Did something happen between them? Xiahou Dun sighed. It's not like I have a choice in the matter.

"Uh, of course my Lord. I will check on Xun Yu and return later with a report." Xiahou Dun stated before standing up and running off to find Xun Yu.

Cao Cao sighed. I know that Xiahou Dun knows about Xun Yu and I. He and Guo Jia were with us when we first got together, but I know that others are unaware of us being together and it would be too risky if they found out. Forgive me Fengxiao, I cannot properly console your friend and my partner after your passing without arousing suspicion.