Disorder in the Palace, Love Blossoms

Chapter 6

And so, he looked at the man in front of him, the one whom he held in his arms countless nights as he died, and he buried the feelings that threatened to spill from his eyes before speaking and causing pain to the one that he would always love in silence.

"Wenruo, I said no." Cao Cao uttered, and his heart broke in two when he saw Xun Yu's sad face.

"But why? I would be a great help to you." Xun Yu replied. He was still desperately hoping, grasping on to the hope that Cao Cao would change his mind.

The man sitting before him sighed and Xun Yu resigned himself to his fate because he knew that he couldn't change his mind. Xun Yu felt the urge to cry, and tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He knew that Cao Cao and the others would end up getting hurt if he didn't go, but Cao Cao stood firm by his decision and refused to let him go. A stray tear fell his eye, and Cao Cao looked at him in shock before his face morphed into one of kindness and concern. He wanted to rush over to him, to wrap the slender man in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but, instead, he remained where he was and watched as the man he loved broke down in tears.

"Wenruo, are you okay? Please, don't cry." Cao Cao said softly, but that only seemed to make him cry even more. The ruler couldn't take it anymore, he hated seeing Xun Yu so upset, and he quickly rushed over to him, enveloping him in his arms. He pulled the man close to his chest and whispered softly near his ear. "Shh, it's going to be okay."

"No, it's not. None of you will survive if I stay here. I-I don't want to lose you. Please Mengde, I'm begging you to take me with you." Xun Yu gushed. His bottom lip trembled as more tears fell from his eyes.

"I... Fine, I'll take you with me," Cao Cao whispered as he wiped away Xun Yu's tears. "Just... Just don't cry anymore. I can't stand seeing you so upset."

Much to Xun Yu's own surprise, and Cao Cao's, the man wrapped his arms tightly around the Lord and thanked him for changing his mind. Once he realized what he was doing, Xun Yu quickly pulled away and noticed that the ruler had a slight blush on his cheeks. Xun Yu nervously laughed and apologized for the inappropriate display, but the Lord looked at him and said that it was okay before averting his eyes to the floor. The two would then awkwardly glance at each other before Xun Yu decided to break the awkward silence.

"My Lord, if you don't mind me asking, why were you hesitant to take me with you?" Xun Yu inquired, his cheeks heating up as he imagined every possible answer. Is this what it feels like to be a little school girl?

"I, uh, I had a dream a few days ago about how we went to Luoyang to try and stop the ghosts and Bixie, but then something happened and you... you died. Ever since then your dying face has haunted my mind, and I didn't want to risk my dream coming true, so I planned to leave you here, in Xuchang. Seeing you like that was a nightmare for me, something that I hope to never see, and, to be honest, I-I don't even want to imagine a future without you in it. You have been by my side through so much that I can't bear the thought of losing you." Cao Cao's eyes widened once he realized what he said, and he once again averted his gaze. The usually calm ruler was embarrassed that he had revealed his feelings, and he silently cursed at himself for it. "Uh, you are dismissed."

Once again, Xun Yu did the unexpected and hugged his Lord.

"Do you really mean that?" Xun Yu asked as nervousness began to swirl around in the pit of his stomach. He released the man from his embrace, afraid of what his answer was going to be.

"Of course I do. Only a fool could bear to part with you," Cao Cao replied, regaining his calm demeanor. "Do you take me for a fool, Wenruo?"

Xun Yu shook his head 'no' and a smile settled on his face.

"You're so cute." Cao Cao breathed near Xun Yu's neck, sending shivers down his spine.

"I-I don't really know what's going on. I have never been in a situation like this before. Are you flirting with me? Or am I reading too far into this?" Xun Yu asked, and the same uneasy feeling from earlier settled in his stomach.

"Wenruo, you are a delight to have around – you are cute, adorable, extremely intelligent, and the sweetest, most considerate person I know. You are like the sweetest of flowers, beckoning all that approach to gaze upon you in wonder. And if that doesn't answer your question, then yes, I am flirting with you." Cao Cao replied, and Xun Yu blushed, unsure of how to respond.

"Mengde, I am not sure of how to respond, but I am honored and eternally grateful that you think so highly of me. I am honored to serve you, my Lord." Xun Yu said, immediately fighting with himself internally afterwards. That was not at all what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that I love the shade of his eyes, the way he comforts me when I'm sad, the way he looks at me, how being in his arms makes me feel safe. There is so much I want to say, so much that I like about him, but I couldn't even say one thing. Why?

The two glanced around the room, trying to find anything to take away from the awkwardness of the situation. Eventually, his Lord's eyes landed on him, and Xun Yu could feel his heart pounding against his chest. Why was it doing this? He knew that he wasn't sick, but he felt like his stomach was doing flips. He began to feel nauseous. What is wrong with me?

"Xun Yu," Cao Cao said softly with a hand placed on the man's shoulder. When did he move? And how did I not notice it? "I have been trying to get your attention for awhile now. I dismissed you a few minutes ago, and you haven't budged. Are you feeling okay?"

Xun Yu looked up at his Lord, and the thumping in his chest roared in his ears as their eyes locked. Did I imagine everything? "Uh, yes my Lord. I apologize for any concern I may have caused. I will take my leave now."

After walking to his room, Xun Yu quickly closed the door behind him and leaned on it for support. The thumping has subsided at last. What caused my heart to behave to so strangely? And why does my stomach tie in knots when I get near our Lord? Why did he say that he was flirting with me? He can't honestly mean that, he confuses me, but my weird reaction when he said those nice things made things even more confusing. He probably hates me now, and I don't blame him for it. But I have wasted enough time dwelling on these things, I need to sleep so I can be prepared for tomorrow. And so, Xun Yu finally laid down and fell asleep.