Adore [H.S.]

57

HARRY

I asked her to move in with me. Why did I do that? Why the hell did I think it was the right moment to ask her to make a fucking life altering decision? God, I had  clearly lost my damn mind. I was an idiot. Mentally insane. I had to be going mentally insane to ask her to move in with me.  The words were blurted out of my mouth before I could even comprehend what I was saying. What I was suggesting! The puzzled and shocked look on her face was proof enough of my new found insanity. 

Did I scare her off? Not so much as an "I'll think about it" came out of her lips before she got up and left. Awkwardly laughing as she did so. 

Fuck. Why did I do that? 

Of course, I did want her to move in with me. It made sense. We had been spending ever waking day with one another. She had practically moved in half her stuff here at my flat. Asking her to move in, to make this thing more permanent... it made sense. It was a thought I had been thinking about for a while now. The one thing to prove to everyone that we were going to last.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in my room. My hair was a disheveled mess on top of my head. A direct result of my fingers running through it every other moment. A nervous habit I had developed over the years. What if she decides that moving in was too fast and that she needs space? No. That wasn't going to happen. I had come to the conclusion that I would not bring up my poorly executed suggestion right away. I'd wait it out. See how she reacts whenever she's around me next. Which, knowing us, will be later tonight. 

"Get yourself together," I grunt under my breath. I had to man the fuck up. I loved this girl. I wanted to be with her. Living together seemed like the right step. Might as well ask her to marry you too, a pesky voice pipes up. 

Marriage. No, that was not going to happen. At least, not right now. The idea of getting married made my head hurt. We were still young. We were no where close to getting married. Isabella didn't seem like the type of girl who spent her childhood dreaming of the white dress and pretty flowers. Any preconceived ideas she had about marriage and weddings had been birthed by her precious mother. One thing we had agreed on was that marriage was the last thing we wanted right now. She even said so herself. 

Yet another reason why I loved this woman. She wasn't like all the other girls who were so focused on finding a husband and a white picket fence. She wanted to get her life straightened out before she settled down. 

But, let's be honest... I needed to straighten my life out before we even played with the idea of getting hitched. A shiver runs down my spine. I had to stop thinking about this. Asking her to move in with me was not asking her to marry me. If that was the case, then why did I feel like I made a mistake by asking her? 

- 

"Mate. You really have it bad for this bird." Kit comments. He was laying back against my couch. A lit joint in his hand. We had been hanging out in my flat for the past four hours. Drinking and smoking. Smoking and drinking. I was getting my mind off of my life and the fucking insecurities that came with it. 

Luckily, this time around it was only Kit. No Pippa. No other girls. Fuck, the last thing I needed right now was some slut trying to get into my pants. No other girl could even compare to my Isabella. She was the only girl that could get me up. The only girl that could get me off. Was I becoming too much of a wuss? I couldn't help but start to think that maybe I was. 

"Harry!" I snap out of my thoughts. My fingers loosen their grip on the beer bottle in my hand. Kit is smirking beside me. An arrogant, all knowing look plastered on his thin lips. "Mate. What is going on with you?"