Why Do You CareMortal Instruments

Part 39

Clary's POV

I couldn't comprehend what was happening. One second I was sitting against the wall have a near panic attack arguing with Gavin and now he is kissing me. He gently holds my cheeks with his hands. 

I stiffen out of shock, but that doesn't stop him. He clearly knows what he is doing, the way he moves his mouth against mine. It was exhilarating. I never thought I would be kissing Gavin. Not after anything I have done. 

And against my better judgment I kissed him back. I wanted to feel loved. Wanted. And he made me feel like that. Safe. I was safe in his arms. 

"This is why I told you to leave the door open." This caused Gavin and I to break apart very suddenly. We were both gasping for air, the earlier arguing didn't help. "I thought you weren't ready for company biscuit. Apparently I was wrong." 

"Apparently." I mumble not looking at him. Just looking in Gavin's eyes, he hadn't looked away from me the moment he walked in. His bright green eyes reminded me of a carpet of lush grass. Mesmorising to look at. 

"Well, I see that I am not wanted, but dinner is ready. Clary you should eat. You need the food." 

"We'll be down." 

"No more fraternising. Actually, you know what? I'll stay in here with you until you come down." 

"That's fine Magnus, she just needs to get dressed." Gavin says. 

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?"

"Oh by the Angel. Nothing Magnus, I haven't changed since I woke up." 

"Fair enough. Gavin come with me while the lady changes. Jace, Izzy, Simon, go to the kitchen." He yells.

"But we wanna see her." 

"Not right now. She needs to get dressed." 

"Why does she need to get dressed? She should have clothes on." Jace asks in a near panic. 

"I haven't gotten changed since I woke up Jace, calm your non-existent tits." 

"Such pleasantries. I'll meet you down there." 

I grin. A real grin. I haven't been this happy, joking with the others since before Jace cheated. I can now think of that time without pain. Well, a dull ache, but not much. He was my first true love and the way he broke my heart, broke a part of me. Gavin was the one who put me back together. 

The others helped, but Gavin put my heart back. Fixed me to be a better person than I once was. The one that I used to me. Everyone had their own part to play, even Jace. I have to forgive him now though. He made me who I am now. A slightly better person.

"Clary? You going to get changed?" 

"Oh, yeah, give me a minute." I say beginning to get up. I'm not even halfway up when Gavin grabs my arm. "I'm not going to fall." 

"I don't care. You look like death has warmed over." He responds with a sly grin. Something tells me I'm not the first person he has told that. 

"Such a compliment." 

"You need that." 

"Obviously." I say raising my hand to flick my hair off my face. "You can leave now. I would like to get changed without a person in my room."

He chuckles before finally leaving the room. Leaving me to my thoughts. 

I still can't believe what I had done. The thought of killing or hurting my friends makes my mood drop. I can't face them. I just can't. How I managed to forget what had happened when Gavin was in here. 

Just thinking of him makes me feel like I can forgive myself. But it's hard. So hard. 

How can I just put all of that behind me? Nothing can excuse me for behaving the way I did. Nothing. 

While I was lost in my thoughts I had rummaged through my dresser and found clothes to change into. Clean clothes. Not the ones that I had been wearing for who knows how long. 

I smile. Fresh clothes, who knew that would be a thing I love. 

I pull out the shirt I had blindly picked and put it on. The green was something Jace always complimented me on. The plain green brought out my eyes and made my hair look fiery. The blue jeans were a normal thing. 

I brush out the knots that have lived in my hair and finally I am ready to go. 

Walking over to the door I take a deep breath. I can do this. Easy. Nothing will go wrong. 

I pull open the door and instantly regret it. The sight of Jace waiting reminded me of nearly killing him. 

"I'm sorry." We both say. I look at him confused. 

"Wait, why are you sorry?" I ask, he looks at me sheepishly. Running his hand through his hair. Not in the usual arrogant way. 

"Well, I kept on trying to convince you to go out with me after you consistently put me down. I didn't learn my lesson. I thought all I had to do was ask and you would come back. And I nearly killed you." 

"I also nearly killed you. So we are even on that part. And thank you for now knowing that you don't just have to ask and I will go back. I thought you knew me better. There is nothing we can do about it now so let's put it in the past." 

"I should've known better. And you said the words, nothing we can do so let's put it in the past. That is what you have to do. You weren't yourself." 

"Of course I was. I've been through this with Gavin and I have been kicking myself about it all this time. Just don't mention it and we will be fine." I growl. I just don't want to have to explain myself again. He nods and begins walking to the kitchen. 

Just before we reach the door he stops me. 

"Know that everything will be okay. It will work out. And," His voice drops to a whisper, a fire in his eyes, "give Gavin a go. He seems pretty into you." He grins at me. So I punch his arm. 

"Oh you did not just go there." I say bursting out into laughter. It felt so good. Laughing freely. Not having a worry in the world. I know everything will turn out okay. It always does. 

I smile as I walk into the kitchen, everyone confused as to why we were pissing ourselves with laughter. What can I say, my laugh was contagious and before you knew it everyone was laughing. 

"Hold up, what are we laughing at?" Gavin asks just as everyone calms down. 

Jace and I look at each other and burst out laughing again.

A/N

Well. Next chapter is the epilogue. I never thought I would get over 100 reads, let alone 1.8k. I am happy with how this has turned out, the last part I am already planning and hope to get out later tonight. 

Thank you for all sticking with me throughout the shitty beginning to the hopefully better ending. 

Thx for reading!