Fifty Shades Of Us.

Chapter Thirteen.

 Chapter Thirteen. 

            “And god shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

            Some say that when someone passes away, their soul goes to heaven and god will take care of them. They say that all of their pain will be taken away and that they will be happy. They will be able to do the things they never would have been able to do here on earth with us but hearing this quote from the revelation, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat confused.

            It’s not that I don’t believe in it because I do believe there is something bigger after death, but it’s hard to not have doubts. I mean think about it, it just seems too good to be true that you live here on this earth and then once you pass away you go to this magical place called heaven and then suddenly everything’s all better? It’s just a hard thing to believe but after the funeral today I honestly hope this quote spoken from the minister was true. I hope she is in heaven and I hope god is wiping away her tears. I hope she is the perfect little girl I saw and I hope she’s having the time of her life right now. I can only hope for the bible to be true.

            The funeral was just as excruciating as I thought it was going to be. Although it was only our close family and friends, the weeping sounded like there were one hundred people instead of ten. The only good thing about this service was that Justin finally had stopped his resentment towards me for the time being and held me as we both cried. We cried more than I have ever seen us cry and as the box slowly sunk into the ground to Amazing Grace, we both had no other choice than to accept the fact that she will never be in our arms again and we will never see her face again.

            We have both heard the line “I’m so sorry for your loss” more times today than anyone could count. The more I heard it the more it upset me because people seem to forget that this isn’t about us. I know that funerals are supposed to allow the time for people to mourn and accept the fact that a loved one just passed away but I didn’t want anyone to focus on me. I wanted everyone to focus their attention on Isabelle because she didn’t have the time to be focused on. She didn’t have the ability to feel truly loved because she never had a chance in this world. I wasn’t sorry for my loss I was sorry for hers.

            “You’ve got to be joking.” Justin’s voice was chilled and cruel, making me look up to what he was talking about.

            The paparazzi were snapping their cameras away as we were leaving the cemetery and I just honestly prayed I could get Justin to the car in time. I will never understand the minds of some people to try and get a shot of this but I had a feeling they were going to get exactly what they came here for.

            I grabbed onto Justin’s hand with my fingertips and tried to lead him away in the opposite direction to where our car was. He just needed to let it go as hard as it would be and get inside. At least they didn’t have the audacity to follow us into the cemetery while the funeral was going on.

            “Justin how do you feel now that your daughter’s dead?”

            His entire body froze once the sentence left one of the paparazzi’s mouths and my mouth was currently dropped open in complete and utter shock that he would even say something like that in the first place. That was so cruel.

            “How the fuck do you think I’m feeling man?” Justin shrugged me off of him and pushed the man by the chest, making him stumble backwards. “Huh? You think I’m feelin’ good right now?”