Fifty Shades Of Us.

Chapter Three.

Chapter Three.

             I never expected in a million years that I would ever have to attend another funeral in my life, but here I stood in the funeral home by my best friend’s casket completely bawling my eyes out.

             It’s been a week since we found Carina but the pain never lessened up. The pain just kept growing inside of me, filling every space possible so that I ached. I ached until I couldn’t sleep anymore and I ached until my appetite was no longer there. Justin has been trying so hard to keep my mind off of it but it’s like everywhere I went and everything I saw reminded me of her. I shouldn’t be upset, I should be angry and infuriated but I’m not. Instead I just keep re-living all of the good times we’ve had and all of the memories we’ve shared. I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of my emotions and there wasn’t anybody around to save me.

            “I love you.” Justin whispered for the twentieth time today it seemed like.

            The funeral service has been over for about an hour now but I couldn’t get myself to leave the casket. This casket is what held my prior best friend in it and if I walked away now I’d never see her ever again. This was it.

            “I love you too.” I responded quietly.

            The door behind us that separated the casket and the guests opened and Ben appeared in front of our faces. He looked shocked that we were there and turned to go but the look I gave him told him that he needed to stay. I needed answers and the way he acted on the phone told me he knew about whatever happened.

            His eyes were stained red from all of the crying, his cheeks puffed up from all of the rubbing and the bags under his eyes just showed the lack of sleep he’s gotten. Despite everything that has happened, the only thing I wanted to do was hug and comfort him. I didn’t have a reason to be mad at him yet.

            Throwing my arms around him, I pulled him close to me and heard his weeps go into the black dress I was wearing. Everything has changed so quickly. Two weeks ago I thought my life was going great and everything was finally forming a line but just like that, a pair of scissors cut the line and now I’m at the funeral of my best friend’s.

            “Ben are you alright?” I pulled away to hold him at arms length and he shook his head before wiping away more tears.

            “No.” He sobbed. “The girl that’s in that casket was the love of my life. I was going to propose to her next month Sophia. I had the ring and I had booked our trip to France. You remember when we went there two years ago? I was going to bring her back there and propose and now I’ll never get the damn chance! I should have done it sooner. I should have asked her and maybe she wouldn’t have-“ He stopped himself and shook his head again. “Never mind.”

            “Maybe she wouldn’t have what?” I asked. “Ben what are you talking about?”

            “Nothing Sophia. It’s not the right place or time to talk about it.”

            “Not the right place or time? Ben do you even hear yourself? Justin and I deserve to know what the hell happened! You can’t hide something if you know why she did it Ben, we don’t deserve that. If now isn’t the right time then I don’t know when it will be so start talking and I mean it.”

            My eyes burned into him to let him know how serious I was but that didn’t seem to matter. He just shook his head no again and looked down at his shoes. I don’t know what he’s hiding but he better tell me.