Grinding Spike [ 5 to 13 ] -- DISCONTINUED

[41] Try To Be Happy Without You

Than POV

Have you ever feel you don't want to wake up in the morning or the next day? I never felt like that before, eventho I through alot of hardest thing with my father but this time, now... I feel like I just want to close my eyes for quite times until my heart doesn't feel any pains anymore. Until my heart is healing completely. But...

The feeling I have right now, I can't name it. I can't describe it. A lot of emotions are gathering in my heart. It grows like a bomb that ready to explode soon.

Walking around like a zombie, that is what I am look like right now. That is what I am acting right now. Bump to every things around me. Wall, desk, sofa even door. I am so helpless.

"Stop hurting my things. You just bumped to chair, sofa, wall and now you want to knock you head to the door? Don't you know what you did just hurt them?" Pete pulls me to not to crash the door.

"Huh?"

"Come! I made a breakfast for you" He drags me to the dinning room. There are a fancy breakfast for me. A sandwich wiith a glass of milk. Not my type of breakfast but I can't say that to him. I don't want to hurt his feeling. He put an effort to make me breakfast.

"You don't like it?" He asks me when he sees me not touch any single of foods he made for me, "Look, you need to gain energy Than. I know you are sad but, please... Eat"

"Thank you..."

I take a slice of sandwich and eat it to make him happy. He smiles and offer me to drink milk. I do it too. Just to make him happy. O don't really want to make him worry about me. I know I am not fine at all but at least, I don't want to be a bother for him or everyone.

"P'Nao just came by" I look at him, "He said you can take a day off. No need to practice today. And you can come back tomorrow when you feel a lil bit better"

"Better....?? I wish I could..." He looks so worry about me again, "Don't worry, Pete. I am gonna fine. Yes, I will be fine"

"You sure?" I nod to assure him if I am really gonna be ok. Well, I lie. Honestly, I don't really know if I can be fine or not, but at least I am gonna try. To be happy.

*****

Coming here is such a big step for me and this is really like I am trying to find a trouble for myself. I know what is gonna happen if I come. I know what will I find when I come here. All things that gonna happen and the things that I will find out will make me more sad and hurt more. But I still choose to come here. I still choose to be here. Such a fool I am.

Watching him from afar, that is the best thing I can do. I couldn't get closer, be beside him or hug him and telling him everything will be ok. Just to cheer him up, I can't do it. I, myself, don't know if everything is gonna fine. Right now, I, myself is not ok. I am hurt. I feel hurt.

He is watching the one he cares a lot from the door. Watching him with so much care. There is a pray in his eyes. The pray for that person to wake up and maybe smiling at him. Maybe that is what he is wishing for right now. There is a love in his eyes for that person who is laying down on the bed in that room.

The tears are running down to his face. The sad is bursting out with that tears. He becomes weak. Kneeling down in front of the door. Cry a river for the person who still not hears him. There is so much pain to watch. I don't know if I could handle it. Can I? Am I strong enough to see this?