Pikit Mata [MiChaeng] ✔

[110] Narrative 34

"You going home?" Chaeyoung nodded while removing her ear-piece. Her manager handed her her clothes to change. She grab it and went to the bathroom and there she change. She remove her make up too before she comes out.

"Can I have my bucket hat? And mask?" She asked when she went to her manager. 

"Why? Aren't you going home?" Chaeyoung shook her head. "You still have radio guesting later at 9pm"

"I know. I just want to stroll for  a while." She said in plain tone. Gloomy aura can sense to her outer image. 

Her manager nodded and handed her those things she needed. "Let's go" They went out of the building. Flashes of cameras and medias are still there to have her statement. 

It's been two weeks since that news spread. And Chaeyoung still hunted by them. Some paparazzi are stalking her around. So JYP added security for her own safe which Chaeyoung decline because she don't want that and hate JYP in some point.

"Anyways, congrats! Your promotion weeks end!" Pinky oppa tried to be more happier to bring up her mood. Chaeyoung was just staring out of the window while their car is moving

"And congrats for winning 3 times! Your song still on top 1 or 2 on chart!"He cheered again. "Tonight's radio guesting is your last guesting too. Do you have any plan?" 

Chaeyoung sigh and shook her head. "You want to celebrate it?" 

"No. I'm fine. What's the point of celebrating it if I am not happy?" She asked, still looking at the window, wondering around.

Pinky Manager went silent and stay focus on the road. 

"Please drop me at the park, nearby" Pinky manager nodded his head and stay silent once again.

Chaeyoung put her earphone and play random song. Then her mood drop once again.

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"My true feelings

On a torn paper

Are getting clear somethin' bout you" 

Like a blank canvas, you are allowed to paint your own life and once you've made a mistake, you'll never erase it.

"Yeah you look like me but different somehow

I wonder if you feel the way as I do

There's no hope but I expect it"  

I don't know, maybe you didn't mean to hurt me, but my heart says the opposite. Aren't you happy to me?

"After a day, a month and a year,

We would live different lives"

We are just quarter of the month-year since we officially called each other 'mine', and now same months since we parted our ways and leave me hanging here. So near and yet so far; that's how I describe myself to you- a failure.

"No I'm not

I don't think it'll be easy for me

You still fill my days

No not yet

I'm repeating like a fool

I can't hold the words lingering on my lips

It's not fine

Ah ah ah ah it's not fine"

I tried to sink in it to myself that there is no more us. But do you think it is easy for me to forget how we've been so good that we called our relationship almost 'perfect'? And I think, how many try I attempt to get you out of my mind and heart, I can't. Because you're the one who made it, you carved your name. Tell me how?

"Tying my hair back,

I'm cleaning the mess in my room

I'm looking for somethin' new"

This just my usual routine, crying, sobbing, wiping my tears looking messy each day. But in the morning, I'll clean up what I've messed up, then start again, and again, same thing will happen. Cycle it is, can't get you out of my head. 

"Sometimes I just move

Feeling like I can't handle it

Or like I have to do something"

I'm feeling down since that news spread, without me noticing, it realized how hurtful and painful it took me. I push myself to get up each morning to have pre-recording, cheering myself, hopefully it help me to forget you. But...I can't.

"Meaningless jokes, small talk

I look fine in a crowd

I'm pretending to be fine with a smile on my face

I try not to think of the shadow called "you""

Do like normal in physical but I am really dying inside. It's killing me. It's a torture for me. And even it hurts to pretend when someone will ask me if I am ok, and all I can do is to say 'I am'. And what hurts more? Even holding tears is actually painful now too.

My life is like a song, full of deep meaning that I can only understand. Like it was made specially for me. 

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"Ready for your flight in Japan?" One of the staff asked Chaeyoung.

"Yes, I am" She smile and nod. 

"It will be a long way run for you" She nods as she ready herself out of the van. She wears her mask and bucket hat. 

"It is. Long day of shooting and promoting" She said nonchalantly and laugh afterwards.

"Congrats for your solo debut in Japan" Chaeyoung smile widely and the door suddenly open and reveals a lot of people taking pictures of her as she cover herself and bowed down. Taking some fan letters and gift for her.

She get her ticket and went inside the the plane with her team. 

"A good way to start my new life" Chaeyoung mumbled as she look at the window plane.