Forgive Me (Sequel)

•Chapter Twenty Four•

Tears streamed down my face as I openly wept. With my feet tucked underneath me and my knees planted in the saturated earth I ridded the gravestone of the flowers that now resembled his state, deceased. Considering that today marked his birthday, rather than replacing the dead flora a midsized teddybear decked in a happy birthday tshirt now resided on his grave.

As the years passed by I thought the pain would diminish but days like this proved that I had only gotten better at hiding it from the world. I managed to tuck it neatly in the compartments buried deep within my heart but the minute I stepped foot into this morbid place of supposed rest, the contents rose and spilled from every corner. The dreadful shower that had fell prior to my arrival did nothing but dampened my mood even more.

"Happy birthday baby." I managed to force out. The sorrow within pressed against my lungs, restricting my airways as I reflected on my loss. My cries were no longer audible, tear ducts depleted as I could cry no more.

"I wish you were here so we could have a huge birthday party and celebrate with all your little friends." I continued, as I dabbed my eyes and mustered the strength to communicate with the little angel who had managed to capture my heart four years ago.

"I know mommy promised not to date again after your passing but I met someone. I think you would've liked him." I continued as Lance crossed my mind. I had agreed to, well he pretty much stated that I'd be going out with him tonight. I obviously wasn't thinking clearly when he did or I would've plainly declined his request. This day was always hard for me and I typically spent it alone, wallowing in my misery.

I remained at my little one's resting place until the sky's sorrow overpowered mine as a torrent of rain cascaded down. Hopping in my car, I sped off in the direction of my home.

Within fifteen minutes my car was parked in my driveway and I made my way into the house, heading straight for my bed. Pulling the comforter over myself, I assumed a fetal position. Ironic that the comforter brought no comfort at all as my heartache failed to subside.

"Hey sis. How you feeling?" My sister inquired, as she came into my room and slowly approached the bed.

I hugged her tightly once she got under the comforter with me. She knew how tough this day usually was for me.

"I miss him so much." I said in between sobs as my tears drenched her shirt.

"I know sis, me too." She said as she rubbed soothing circles on my back. She laid with me as silence engulfed the room once I had managed to calm down. However, my cellphone thought it best to intrude with its incessant buzzing. I decided to answer once I checked the caller's ID.

"Hello." I said trying to mask my mood.

"Hey, how you been? We still on for tonight?" He question.

"Umm, I'm okay and I can't later. Something came up, I'm sorry." I said as an involuntary sniffle managed to escape.

"Aight, that's cool but you sure you okay? You sound down."

"It's nothing, I promise." I lied.

"If you say so. Hit me up when you have some time though or if you need to talk." I agreed that I would before hanging up. My inquisitive sister of course couldn't let the conversation rest.

"Was that your friend?" She asked.

"Yes it was him."

"Why'd you cancel on him?" She probed. I reminded her that she knew what today meant for me and she offered her two cents.

"Kham before you dismiss me, just hear me out." She pleaded. "You always spend this day alone beating yourself up, maybe you should hang out with him and take your mind off it."