Silent Talk (BoyXBoy)

I'm Sick

Ok like i promised i updated!!! 

i rushed to get it out for you so i hope you guys like it i want a comment from anyone telling me if you liked it or not.

oh and 30 votes please :)

Three years ago.

I never understood the difference between me and my brother. Maybe it was because he was older than me. Maybe he was prettier than me. I stood in the door of the kitchen watching. Always watching my happy family. Something that I wasn’t allowed to be apart of. My mother was smiling proudly at my older brother and my father was patting his head, “Proud of you son.” Michael smiled proudly.

Neither of my parents noticed that I wasn’t there. I felt myself wanting to cry out. For someone to see me, “Hey have you seen Matthew?” Michael asked our parents and I took that as my time to jump out of view until his hazel green eyes landed on me. Instead of green like mine.

We looked the same expect our eyes and his hair was finer. He smiled warmly at me not feeling the disappointment in the air. “Hey Matthew.” He smiled at me warmly. He took the paper from our mother and showed me his essay. I heard on the intercom. He won some special contest with his essay making it to the top five and then winning the whole thing.

“Hi.” I said and looked at the essay unimpressed. I threw it back on the table and walked to the stove and grabbed my dinner exiting the kitchen. They would have a normal dinner not noticing my absent seat.

I don’t even think I have a seat at the table. I sat on my bed and pulled out my dinner. I was glad my taste was similar to my brother because I’m sure my parents didn’t know much less care.

I put in my ear buds and turned it on only having to pause it because it was too loud. I sighed and took out my ear buds. I didn’t need to lose my hearing because of Michael. “You did a fabulous job Michael. So much better than that boy.” I repeated what my mother once said to my older twin brother.

I don’t even think my parents ever thought of me other as being useless. It was always about Michael this and Michael that. I was just nothing. I sat on my bed staring at my food. Michael always caught everyone’s eyes.

He was wonderful in sports and was always top of his classes. Our parents pride and joy and it didn’t help that he was amazingly handsome. Unlike me. I was small and my body wasn’t fit on sports and I was average in my classes. I tried my hardest ever since I was small to grab my parents’ attention.

But nothing worked. And what made it worse Michael always had to come off as the good guy. There was a knock on my door. I knew who was and it wasn’t my parents. “Hey I’m coming in.” Michael said before opening the door walking in. The light in my room was dim but once he stepped in.

Everything got brighter. And I hated it.

“What.” Michael frowned at me before looking around my room, “If you got something you want to say then say it and leave.” I said harshly. Michael sighed and got off my bed.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly before leaving. I threw myself back onto the bed and just laid there thinking. It’s not his fault that our parents loved him more than they loved me, I thought to myself silently. It was true.

Michael always thought if he asked sweetly then everything would go his way. He thought if he treated me nicely, the only one who cared for me that I would bend to him. But I didn’t. I knew him better than anyone else. I knew that he was a sick person. Or maybe I was the sick person.

Maybe that’s why everyone loved Michael over me. Because I was the one to come out as a homosexual because Michael told me everything would be better. That our parents would only want to expect me if I was truthful with them.

~

I walked into the school in Michael’s shadow. “Have a good day sweetie,” our mother said towards Michael not even paying attention to me. But I was used to it. Our mother pulled out of the parking lot and I just stood there. Maybe she would turn around and jump out of the car to give me a hug telling that she and our father loved me just as much as Michael maybe even more.

That I meant something. That they accepted my existence. But like every other day she didn’t turn back. She just kept on going.

I was ignored by the whole school along with the teachers. It was like that one Michael was in sight of everyone they just didn’t see me. “Hey watch where you’re going!” someone pushed me against the lockers. My things fell to the ground along with me. A group of guys laughed. And I felt my cheeks burn. What did I do to deserve this? I looked up to see Michael there.

Surrounded by people who loved him. He must have felt my gaze on him and for a second our gazes were locked together. Nothing was around us expect the two of us. And just like the others he turned his gaze back to his friends.

I hated him. I hated him. If only…..if only…..

~

“What happened?” Tristan pulled me out of mid-sentence. I looked up to see Tristan looking at me with serious eyes.

“He got sick. Really sick.” I said softly feeling the tears come after each other down my cheeks. “The doctors couldn’t find a perfect donor. I don’t remember what they wanted but whatever it was they couldn’t find it. With me being his twin who better than me? You know?” I didn’t notice that I was shaking or that my voice was uneven and maybe that Tristan couldn’t understand me.

But he had the right to know. To know what really happened to Michael. How it was all my fault, “My parents wanted me to sacrifice myself for Michael.  Every chance they got they made sure I knew how they felt. How they loved Michael more than me. But you know what?” I asked him even though I didn’t really want an answer from him.

“I wanted to be the only one who they saw.” I said softly.

“Time was ticking and since my parents had no right over my body I just watched.” I said softly afraid to see Tristan looking at me with disgust. “I always thought that Michael was the sick one. But really it’s me.”

“No you aren’t. You wanted to live just like everyone else.” He said I could feel his hand on my thigh but I got off my bed. He didn’t understand. I didn’t want his pity. I wanted him to understand me.

“No! I wanted him to die. I didn’t want to see his face ever again!!! The last time I saw him I told him how much I hated him. How it was all his fault that no one loved me. How our parents would rather have me be dead than him. I hated him. I wanted him to drop dead right then and there.”

“The next day he died.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Victor told me the same thing.” I shook my head. I rubbed my wrists and pushed back my hair wincing a little. I licked my lips feeling the spilt in them. “But I understood finally why my parents and the others never paid attention to me.”

“Matthew.”

“Tristan I’m a sick person.”

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