Luhan never felt so empty in his life. He felt like he was drained of every emotion. He wasn't hungry anymore, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't feel anger or sadness.
He just felt.....grey.
He had come home, suitcase in hand and a fake smile plastered on his face. His grandfather opened the door and scolded him. Luhan made up an excuse, saying it was February break.
His grandfather believed him.
He stepped aside, letting Luhan walk into his old childhood home. Nothing changed really. It was still decorated weirdly with old Chinese relics. The smell of jasmine and old spices filled the air.
But it didn't seem like home.
Luhan missed Sehun's musky scent. He missed the taller's hugs, the way his arms wrapped around him like a warm blanket. He missed Kyungsoo's deep voice and contagious laughter. Luhan missed the paint stains that brightened Chanyeol's clothes. Hell, he even missed Jongin calling him 'angel'.
The last two days were spent in utter misery. Luhan had pulled the SIM card out of his phone and threw it away, washing away any reminisces of his life in Korea. He wept like he had never wept before. If his grandfather had noticed Luhan's red and puffy eyes, he didn't say anything.
Now that two days of passed, Luhan knew that his friends would've gotten the letters by now. It was hard writing those. It was harder than getting on the plane or watching Korea become just a speck on the ground as he flew away.
"Luhan."
Luhan blinked, coming back to reality. He was sitting at the dinner table with his grandfather. The old man frowned, "Why are you crying?"
Luhan's hand flew to his cheek where he realized, in dismay, that he had been crying. Luhan shook his head.
"Nothing."
His grandfather looked skeptical but didn't demand a better answer.
Luhan sighed. What little of an appetite he had, it was gone, "May I be excused."
Grandfather nodded curtly and Luhan stood up, gently pushing away the chair. A maid came and picked up his untouched food. Luhan grabbed a coat and his Polaroid camera before heading out.
He walked the streets, oddly silent for a busy neighborhood. He reckoned everyone was inside, eating with their families, their loved ones.
If he was back in Korea, Luhan supposed he was just getting out of his evening class. He would've gone back to his dorm, freshened up. He would've chatted idly with Xiumin before Sehun came to pick him up for dinner.
Luhan shook his head. Do not think about Sehun! It will only cause you pain. He chided to himself.
But Luhan could not help it.
His mind traveled while he walked slowly through the park near his house. He thought of all the good memories the two shared. Their first kiss, first hug... He sent himself to another fantasy so he didn't have to live in the real world where he was alone.
Luhan ran out of tears at some point. He was sad, he wanted to cry but the tears stopped flowing. It was probably for the best, he looked less like a mess now. The night owls hooted and Luhan just realized how late it was.
The moon was high and the setting sunset painted into complete darkness. Little lights flickered in the distance, lights from Luhan's neighborhood.
Luhan got up from the bench he was sitting on and took a deep breath. He couldn't even feel the cold anymore. He stood up, examining the way the bare branches on the trees silhouetted against the bright moon.
Luhan slowly raised his Polaroid camera and snapped a picture.
Click.
His first heartbreak.
