Never

Chapter 27

Lexi's POV

"Happy birthday to you,

Happy birth day to you,

Happy birthday dear Avery,

Happy birthday to you!!"

We all scream getting into her room. I watch as she wakes up her eyes shining with happiness. I smile at her happy that she's having a good time. That's when her places her hand on her chest and starts to hyperventilate. I run towards her catching her before she falled. Everything was silent. I could faintly hear my mom call 911 in the background but all I could think about was my sister. Here in my arms. She looked into my eyes and I hear a whisper. "Eu te amo." (I love you.) Before she closes her eyes. I feel her slowly get more and more limp. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours.

"Eu também te amo." (I love you too) I whisper back kissing her forehead. I felt my sister die in my arms. Her face that was once full of life got more and more pale. "I'm sorry!" I scream out. "I'm so sorry!!" I scream again kissing head holding her lifeless cold body against mine. "Desculpa! Eu não queria que isso acontecesse!! Não era para isso acontecer!! Volta pra mim Ave!!" I screamed out in portuguese. (Sorry!! I didn't want for this to happen!! This wasn't supposed to happen!! Come back to me Ave!) I slowly lost it and no one could see, no one cared. We were all too engulfed in our own grief to notice how much we were pulling apart. As if losing my sister wasn't enough I was now alone.

I wake up letting out a loud desperate breath. I look over to see that Demi is still asleep her arm loosely around me. I just feel numb. Nothing in my heart but somehow, looking at Demi still makes my heart jump. I get up from bed making my way to the other side of the corridor. I open the door that has 'Lucas' written on it with big bold letters. I go straight for his closet where I grab a hoodie. I instantly place it on my body. It still smells like him. I miss him so much. I slowly get out of his room taking a last look at the deep pool green room that had football posters all over before carefully closing his door.

I then make my way to Matt's room. I open the door and I smile thinking about all the times that I came in here crying for him to comfort me. I make my way to his table that sits against a dark grey wall where a black box sits. I open the box looking for the iron ring. One I find it I place it on my thumb. Again I take a last look before closing the door. Last but not least I go to her room.

I look up to see the letters that 'Avery' with a flock of birds flying out of it. It reminded me of when I put those up for her and how happy she was when she saw the birds that I sculpted out of wood since she always found hope with them. I stare at the letters and birds for a long time. I take a deep breath trying to get the courage to open the door. I have not been in here for a long time. Time seems to stand still my vision gets blurry but slowly I open the door. Her scent is still here.

The bed is made and the floors are clean but her coloring pencils are still scattered around her table and her socks are still where they were that day. It's like she was here, her presence was so evident. I'm holding back my tears. I went towards her closet and I look around. I slowly make my way to where her t shirts are. I pull one out. It was the one I gave to her when she was desperately wanting one and my parents didn't give it to her. I then sneaked away from my parents and bought it for her. At night when we got back she was in her room locked up because she wanted to be alone since my parents had been really hard on her. I went into her room after knocking and I gave her the t shirt. I remember how happy she was, how her eyes glowed with happiness.

That's when I start crying. I I hold her t shirt close as I make my way to her bed hugging her pillow to my chest. Sobs escape my mouth as my body shakes. She was so fucking young. So innocent. She needed to be protected and in the end we killed her. Sometimes I wonder if she would have died if we were more quiet. Maybe if we hadn't scared her. Maybe if I hadn't had the idea of surprising her. I killed my own sister.

I think about this as my sobs get louder and deeper. I sniff her t shirt and hold the ring tight in my hand trying to find some comfort. That's when I feel a body lay behind me and arms wrap around me. My sobs don't seem to decrease. "Shhh baby." She says holding me close. "I killed her Demz." I whisper in between their sobs. "No you didn't" She says stroking my hair. "You don't know that." I say as my sobs turn into cries. "It's not your fault." She says trying to comfort me. "It was my idea to surprise her... I killed my own sister!" I say loudly. I turn around in her arms so that I lay on her chest. I slowly calm down as I feel Demi hold me and my brothers and Avery's stuff.

When I've calmed down Demi tries to make me look at her but I fight her looking down. "Look at me." She says placing her hand on my chin. I was scared to look into her eyes. All the thoughts that haunt me might just come out. "Look at me." She says firmly. I slowly lift my eyes to meet hers. I feel myself feel better. My mind becomes silent. The demons that only seconds before where haunting me leave.

"It is not your fault. I don't care what they are telling you. I'm telling you that it's not your fault. You can't keep blaming yourself for something that was an accident, a fatality. Remember when I hit your chin when I first met you?" She asks making me nod. "Remember what you told me when I felt guilty?" I nod. "You said. 'I can't believe you're actually feeling guilty about an accident.' don't feel guilty Lexi. I know it's hard to let go and accept that it's no ones fault but it's true." I nod looking at her and then I place my head on the crook of her neck.

"I just wish that she was still here." I say my voice crackling. "I know you do. So do I because I'm sure I would have loved her." She says. "Yeah how do you know that?" I say smiling at her in a sarcastic tone. "If she was anything like you are I know I would love her." She says and I feel my heart almost pop out of my chest. "I don't think I could live without you anymore." I say thinking about how my mind just clears and all the clouds are gone when she's around.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing that I can't live without you either." She says kissing the top of my head. "Maybe I could take you to my old school tomorow even though you might need to be wearing a hoodie and sunglasses so that you don't get mobbed by little kids." I say laughing while thinking of Demi with kids all over her. "I would love that." She says smiling too. "Come on let's leave this room to damn depressing." I say in a joking tone but really I mean every word. She gets the memo and we both stand going back to my room. "Call me next time." She says when we lay down under the covers. I left the t shirt in her room but I never took the sweater or the ring off.

"I thought you had fled or something." She says kissing my nose. "I'm sorry I just have this bad habit of wanting to do everything alone. I guess it bites me in the ass everytime." I say making her chuckle. "Well get used to not being alone because I'm not going anywhere." She says smiling. I smile a goofy smile and I pull her closer to me by the waist.

I love her more than anything. Her presence silences the demons that live in my mind. Her touch heals me. Her smile gives me hope. Her laugh makes me happy. Her concern makes me feel loved but most importantly, She makes me feel like I'll never be alone again, like I've found what I've been looking for all this time. "Where have you been all this time." I say chuckling. Right before she falls asleep she smiles and says.

"I've been looking for you."

(DON'T FORGET TO ADD PICTURE THAT IS ON SAVED IMAGES!!)