AVALON

Chapter 29 - girlie

(unedited as always -  and thank you to hearlesstwin for another amazing banner... love them

Warning - its is kind of a boring chapter... but I have to build on things so this is the foundation so to speak)

Normally I wake up fresh chomping at the bit to jump into the day, and even though I am really fresh like Amber after being shut in a stable, I feel so snuggly and relaxed that I don't sit up. Seth has his arm wrapped around my waist and I can feel his breath on my hair. I wonder if this is how Dell wakes up every morning. It's kind of nice. I guess a small amount of allure could be found in the situation.

It's about 4am so instead of getting up I lie there listening to Seth's steady heartbeat thinking about what I have to get done today. Before I ride out to Harry's I should quickly pack the box of stuff I want to send home and then another box to leave out at Harry's.

On my list is fixing the cattle yard, straining the fence in between the paddocks the cattle are in so we can rest that smaller paddock. Facetime Jordy as I go over the harvester and the horse truck. Harry and I have to go shopping, get the parts, I have to come back and go to dinner at D's. Full days are the best. Although when I'm working stuff like staining and working on fences or cattle rails I love it but I really miss Nathan. But missing is not like the pain I experience when I'm idle. Sometimes it hurts so much that I feel like I'm having a heart attack.

The other day I had a bruise on my chest where I kept grabbing the skin because I was desperate for the pain to go away. I never let it show, because Mum could see and use it again my family.

If Nathan knew how I felt sometimes, he would come... nothing would stop him and that would mean Mum would win. I can't do that to my family.

Pulling away from Seth to throw my legs carefully to the floor standing up to stretch, I can't sleep anymore and it feels a bit... peculiar to be in bed with Seth. I worry about myself sometimes whether I will change from being here. I have a mini argument as I grab my stuff and jump out the window. Part of me feels like its wrong to sleep next to him, but the other part, the part that harbors the huge crazy fear that I doubt I will ever get over... says that we need too, otherwise... I stop it there. I won't think of it. Either way it's done.

To be honest I have to realise that I can't sleep alone, Seth is just like anyone else. If I'm fencing with Chops he knows that I will sleep right up close to him, everyone at home knows it means nothing. But what I don't get is why I'm trying to rationalize it now?

Ugh! Its annoying thinking of this stuff. Amber nickers to me making me smile and forget all that stupid stuff, I grab some grain and pop it in a tuff bucket for her and the pig starts hoeing it down like she hasn't eaten for years. I scoff down some food myself and pack the boxes.

I don't bother to saddle or bridle Amber; Dad always gets annoyed by my obsession with riding without anything. I practise an insane amount at home, but if I'm droving with Dad he will make me use a dale and bridle, Nathan never does. Pop never does either. Dad's a worry wart, I mean I ride hours each day my butt is practically in the shape of Amber's back plus she reads me just fine without all that paraphernalia. I must admit though when working huge hours I do crave my comfy saddle and all the goodies it holds.

 I wonder how long banana mooves would last out of the fridge.

Amber is cantering down the road and I can feel the energy build up inside her, I raise my arms to the side and feel her explode with speed underneath me. I love doing this, it's just the most amazing feeling in the world, and nothing can compare this feeling of flying. Nothing. One day I will jump like this as well, I will show the world how amazing horses are.