AVALON

Chapter 72 - EAT ME

NOAH POV

Two days have past.

I think.

There's only three of us in the cell now. A drunk guy snoring like a cat being strangled.

And him.

I've done everything not to look his way, even though it's inevitable. I can feel the pull.

Even completing more push ups and sit ups than I can ever remember doing in my life hasn't helped. Counting the bricks under the chipped render is useless as well. My thoughts still keep coming back to Avalon and the choice I've already half made. Know I will surrender too. I know I shouldn't think of her but it's like trying to hold back a wave. She's the only one ever to break through the waste land I've created around myself, the only person to ever make me want to create happiness for them. The only person to cause me long for more.

She's going to be long gone when I get out. Long gone. 

Gone. It's a word that makes my head burn, my stomach churn and my fists clench. He said yesterday that he didn't have to ask me what I could do, or how far I could go. It was evident in my eyes. She deserves more.

But what could take her place?

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. It's what I will become.

I sigh and rub my hands through my hair, one still clutches her bikini top. Teasing the fabric out I inhale her scent for the millionth time before finally stowing it in my pocket. My fantasies put to rest. I have to face reality.

He senses my weakness moving with surprising grace to the bench next to me. It creaks with his weight.

"When I was your age, I had nothing mate. No one. Nothing but a shithouse family and pain in my gut. Now? Now I have everything. A real family so to speak, power, cred, money. I have a purpose. A reason for living. A reason that dwarfs the pain. When you go in - if you work for me- you won't be just another useless bum. You'll have a purpose too. People that will be on your side. You'll be needed."

Finally, I turn to him, surrendering everything with a millitmetre nod. I see no other option. He smiles at me and claps me on the back. What does it matter? I noticed he didn't say 'women'. 

"You'll be glad son, you're made for this type of work. I can see it clear as day."

I close me eyes, resigned now to my choice. Funnily enough last time I was in here all I could think about was Seth and his Dad, bringing them down, this time I realise I haven't thought of him once before this. I hate him still but I don't care anymore. It seem stupid compared to what awaits me.

'Rocky' continues to serenade me with stories of his 'jobs'.  Turns out his nickname is 'The Dentist' for reasons that become gorily clear when he gets into the juicy details. He starts to churn out things I could do to earn myself a fear inspiring name. I should feel sick, I should feel repulsed, but I feel... nothing. I will probably not feel anything ever again and I'm relieved about it because it hurts. 

Thinking of not seeing her again... fricken hurts. Feeling nothing is much better.

Dad was right, it's best to clamp down emotions and sink them to the bottom of oblivion, they only make you weak.  I know the world I've just been deemed entry to, I can't have a weakness. I can't have someone that they will hunt to bring me to my knees. Because I would do anything to keep her safe. Anything. 

Rocky spends the next hour or so teaching me, plying me in depth instructions in to the prison 'message' service, how to make weapons and the black spot locations to carry out jobs.