Dead Without You (MarkiplierXReader)

Part 29

That sucks.

Mark's mom was doing my nails. She was so sweet.

"He was a cute baby." She said. I giggled.

"Yeah, I bet." I smiled down at my now beautiful nails. "So he was a good kid?"

"Yes, he was a very good kid." She was talking about Mark. I could just see how much she loves her sons. "There." She moved her hands away from mine allowing me to see what my nails looked like.

"Wow," I smiled "they look great. Thank you."

"No, thank you." She laughed.

"I'm going to go check on Mark again." I started standing up.

"Okay." She said as I walked away.

I can only imagine how she feels, seeing Mark like that. I can't even begin to know how she felt getting a call from the hospital. I may be feeling horrible but she's his mom, she's been there his whole life, I've only known him for a few weeks. If she needs anything I'm there to get it for her.

I walked down the hall to Mark's room. Slowly I opened the door trying not to make too much noise. The door squeaked making me cringe. That better not of woke him up. I looked into the room, Mark was laying on his back his eyes open looking to the ceiling. Why wasn't he asleep?

"Y/n." He spoke quietly.

"Yes?" I replied. He didn't speak again, he just smiled.

A silence sat still in the room as if he didn't want to say anything, he just wanted to know that it was me. A smile tugged at my lips knowing he wanted to see me, or hear me, or just know I was here.

"I'm going to go." I whispered. I started to close the door again.

"Bye." He whispered back, his smile seemed to fade. I closed the door quietly. I wanted to head back down to Mark's mom but I couldn't find the encouragement to move. Why couldn't that of been me? Why must a beloved son, friend, brother, internet idol be so hurt.

Why not someone else?

Why not me?

I leaned my back against the closed door.

I am useless in this.

I can't help.

I didn't prevent it.

This is my fault.

HOW THE HELL IS THIS MY FAULT?!

What the fuck could I have done?

Nothing!

I am NOT the center of this problem.

This wasn't my fault.

I can't take any credit.

And maybe that hurts.

Knowing that I didn't do anything.

Knowing that I couldn't of done anything.

This is about Mark.

Not about me.

I did nothing.

I didn't do anything wrong.

Why do I feel so hurt then? Why do I feel like I physically threw Mark against the tub? Why am I in so much pain? Why can't I understand that it isn't my fault! I know it's not! It wasn't me!

Why dose it feel like it was?

I sniffled, I must be crying. I am so weak. I am so terrible.

You aren't terrible.

I'm sure that's what he would say.

I'm sure he'd make me feel better.

I'm sure I'll fall apart without him.

I need to learn to be happy even without him. I need to be able to smile without seeing him. He may make me happy but forcing him into being my ray of sunshine through the storm isn't fair. It isn't healthy. It isn't healthy for me to be so depending on one person. It isn't healthy to force him to be happy and strong all the time.

I need to work out my messed up mind.

_______dude_like_a_huge_time_skip_like_HUGE_(kinda)_sorry_fam_it's_what_I_do_________

I was laying in the bed with Mark, he was sleeping. Resting his healing head. He had been able to leave the room without getting a headache for a few days. It's been a week and a half since it happened. Mark's mother was gone. Mark was feeling so much better, he could use his phone for about an hour before it started irritating his head. He had even made a video explaining what had happened, well the gist of it.

I shifted the weight of my head to my other arm. All I really wanted to do was look at Mark. It's crazy what happened, I still worry about him. He hasn't mentioned anything about the kiss, or even tried anything on me. I mean I know he's healing, he doesn't have time to think of it but I continue to wonder.

Was it just to shut me up?

If it was he did a good job. I gave a quiet laugh. But I don't believe he'd do that. I might ask him later. I looked at Mark as he rolled onto his side. Later. I pushed myself onto my knees before stepping off of the bed.

I headed to Mark's laptop, I wanted to read some comments on the latest video.

_______

I was on the verge of tears. These people so kind, so caring. I wish I could read all of the comments on this video. So many caring people telling Mark to get better. Saying they were worried not hearing from him. Telling him to take as much time as he needs. So many people who care so deeply, it's amazing.

I kept scrolling down when I saw a comment that caught my eye.

Amy666: How'd Mark get to the hospital if he blacked out?

The comment had a few hundred likes and a bunch of replies.

Caroline_Gaynigaland: Girliplier?

Quickly I closed the laptop. It's not like they found anything about me or anything, in fact I have no idea why that scared me so much. I'm not 'girliplier'... Am I?

"Hey." I looked up seeing Mark sitting up staring at me.

"Mornin'." I said happily. It's later. "Hey, Mark can I talk to you?"

"You already are." He laughed. "About what?" He asked.

I stood up placing the laptop down before walking over to him.

"About the kiss, before the accident."

"What kiss?"

____________

Yup. Gawd damn.

BUH BYE!!! Lol (lots of love)

-Me