Born This Way

Chapter 25.

Ezra tried to hug me, but I refused. “Aria, honey, let me help you.”

“I can’t be helped!” I said. I shook my head. “Ezra if it weren’t for me dating Toby when I known I shouldn’t have.. None of this would have happened. If I hadn’t suggested we put Alex to sleep too soon.. He wouldn’t have died.. Ali wouldn’t have died. It’s all my fault, and now I’m here.. Paying for it. And Alison got to go to heaven, and im the one suffering.”

Ezra took my hand but I pulled it away, and walked backwards to get away, bumping into his dresser. “Don’t! when Ali touched my hand, she disappeared.. She blew away into thin air.. Now if you touch me you’ll die too.. Everything I touch died.. I was the last one to touch Alex.. And then he died.” Ezra walked forward, thinking that pushing me even further would be a good idea. He took both of my hands. “I’m still here.” he told me. I looked him up and down. This time I let him hug me. I let him pick me up and take me back to his bed, from where I had been sitting minutes ago before I tried to get away from his touch. He pulled down the covers and laid me in there like a little girl. He put pillows behind me so that I was sitting propped up. “Aria..” he started. “You must give up the live you have planned, in order to have the life that is waiting for you. You planned to have Alison forever. And it hurt that she’s not here. But, now that she’s gone.. You have Phoebe. Alison’s in a happier place. She’s not in fear of Toby or Jenna anymore. She doesn’t have any boyfriend problems, any homework, any guilt. She’s free. And as for us, the people left on Earth, we’ll make it through ok. You’re smart enough to know that. You’re not really upset about Ali, are you? You feel guilty. You feel responsible for her death, and Alex’s.” I nodded slowly, but what I was really thinking was ‘DUH! Didn’t I just SAY that one hundred times?!’

“Aria, I want you to think for a second. If you left Phoebe with me for the night, and she died of SIDS, would you blame me?”

“No..” I answered.

“Would you think it was my fault.

“No.”

“Then why do you blame yourself? Jenna’s the one at fault here. Not you. You’re the good guy, trying to do everything perfectly. Jenna’s the villain trying to tear people apart. You need to cut yourself a break. No one blames you, but yourself.” he took my hands again. “And, Aria. When you stop blaming yourself, you’ll be like Alison. Guilt free. Happy. At peace. The only difference is you’ll be at peace on earth.” I nodded in agreement. “Thank you so much Ezra”

“Will you do one more thing for me?” Ezra asked. I nodded. Without another word, he left the room, and came back with my daughter. “Ezra, don’t you DARE!!!” I warned. “don’t you dare put her in my arms!!”

He sat down on the bed, still holding her.

“She will be fine.” he assured me, and put her in my arms. “hold her for one second.” he asked. “Ill be right back.” Ezra called my mom, and she picked Phoebe up on her way home and I stayed with Ezra for the night. He rubbed my back until I fell asleep, and I prayed until I could no longer hear myself think. I know realize that Alison’s safe. And now, so was I.