Believing Again

Chapter Seventeen

Aspen was curled up on the seat next me. I started to feel warm and sick, my body throbbing. Noah took us home, telling Jessa to take me upstairs while he went out. I went up to my room and Jessa helped me change and into bed. “Are you hungry, Baby?” I shook my head, regretting it instantly. I clutched my head as I felt Aspen jump on the bed.

He curled up next to me, laying his head on my leg, looking up at Jessa. She rubbed his head as she walked into the bathroom. I put my hand on his head, putting it there for comfort. Jessa came back with a glass of water and my pill bottle. “Take this; I’ll get you something to eat to make you feel better.” I yawned, giving a nod. I dozed off but woke up when Aspen jumped off the bed.

I rubbed my tired eyes and moved towards the bedroom at the end of the hall way. I haven’t been in Jessa and Noah’s bedroom before. I knew where it was, in case I needed anything. The hall was dark, but the door was open, as if listening for something and the light was on. I walked towards it, wanting the comfort from the light. The TV was on, a large flat screen that hung on the opposite the bed, gave background noise as Jessa worked on the huge bed.

She was curled under the comforter as she worked on a lap table. “Jessa?” She looked up in surprise.

“Hey, I didn’t hear you get up.” She closed her notebook and put the table to the side. I rubbed my feet in the soft carpet as I walked towards the bed. “Are you okay? Feeling better?” She put her hand to my forehead as I walked to the bed.  “You don’t feel as warm, and you look much better.”

“Yeah, can I watch TV with you?” She gave me another shocked look before nodding.

“Of course, come, come, and lay down with me.” She moved the table onto the floor and pulled the blankets back. I got into bed other them and pulled the covers up covering myself. Jessa put the subtitles on the TV and put her head on the pillow. I curled up into her and put my head on her chest. I craved the comfort. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my forehead.

We lay like that for a while. Noah found us like that; Aspen came in and was curled up on the end of the bed before he came in. Jessa said something making me look up and over to Noah standing in the door way. “My two favorite girls.” He smiled at us, coming to lay down with us. He pulled us to him, making me giggle. He kissed Jessa and ruffled my hair, before kissing my forehead.

I stretched my legs out and curled up between the pillows. I snuggled under the covers and watch TV feeling the vibrations as Jessa and Noah talk. It was like a lullaby because I started to dream. I woke with a start, a silent scream. I’ve become accustom to being silent. Even my night terrors are silent. I felt hands on me. I jumped and turned to see Noah staring at me. Déjà vu. I felt my eyes start to water.

Noah took me into his arms and kissed my head, rocking me back and forth. His chest rumbled as he soothed me. I wrapped my arms around his chest, sobbing. My night terrors continuing to haunt me, never changing; they are always the same. “Daddy.” I cried. He cradled me to his chest, pressing comforting kisses to my forehead. I craned my head to look up at him. “I’m scared.” I watched his eyes start to gloss over.

“There is nothing to worry about. I’m here to protect you. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. It’s my job.” He smiled at me rubbing my back. I snuggled into his chest, clutching him tightly. I breathed in his scent, memorizing it, letting it comfort me. I looked up at him as he turned on the TV. I sat up and looked at the clock. A little after 4 in the morning, Jessa was curled up on her side fast asleep. I rubbed my eyes and looked over to Aspen, laying on his back, feet up in the air.

“I woke you up.” I turned to look at him. He tucked me back in under the covers.

“Its okay, Amira. Get back to sleep. I’m going to go to my office.” He kissed my head. I snuggled closer to the pillow, trying to get back to sleep. I gave up after a while and went to Noah’s office. He was sitting at his desk, looking at some paper work, chewing on his reading glasses. He looked up as I walked in. He narrowed his eyes and put his glasses down. “I thought I told you to go back to sleep.” I shrugged sitting at the chair in front of his desk.

“I usually can’t go back to sleep after a nightmare.” I laid my head on the desk and looked up at him. He gave me a sad smile and closed his laptop next to him. I looked down at the papers on his desk and grabbed one before he could put it away. “Fifty thousand dollars for a dog?” I screeched at him.

I scanned the paper quickly, but my eyes couldn’t detach from the fifty thousand dollar price tag. Noah took the bill out of my hands and put it in the pile, then shoving the pile in a draw. “It is nothing. Now stop it.” He gave me a pointed look.

“That is not nothing. That is a lot of money.” He shook his head.

“Amira that is a double negative. Now knock it off before you wake your mother.” I folded my arms and gave him a grunt, pouting.

“Jessa and I talked this through greatly. We want you to have your freedom and we want you to be safe. If 50 thousand dollars keeps us out of an early grave, then so be it.” I sighed shaking my head. Noah sat next to me and took my hand in his.

“Why would you spend so much money on me?” I asked him pulling my feet under me. I felt the rush of air as he sighed.

“Did I ever tell you about Jessa and me? About why we don’t have any other children?” I shook my head. He rubbed his thumb over my cut up knuckles forming his thoughts, trying to comfort himself. I watched the wheels turning in his head.

“Jessa wanted kids right off the bat. She wanted a big family, bunch of kids running around the house. We tried to get pregnant, didn’t happen. We tried a fertility doctor, it didn’t help. We tried for years to get pregnant and it just wasn’t happening.” He took a deep breath closing his eyes. “It hurt so much to see her pain, to know I couldn’t give her what she wanted. We decided adoption would be the way to go. We met this nice, young girl who wasn’t ready to be a mom and wanted us to raise her child. We got the nursery ready, spent hundreds and hundreds taking care of the room and the mother.

“We went to the hospital when the baby was born, we held him for the first time. We were ready; we fell in love with this beautiful baby boy. Turns out the mother didn’t want to give the baby up. Jessa was heartbroken. I couldn’t let her go through that again. So we took a break.” I looked at the picture of Jessa on the desk.

“Everyone was having kids, my brothers and sisters. The cousins as well. I think the idea of them having children when some of them didn’t even want them and us, who wanted them so bad, couldn’t, hurt more. So we tried again. We went to a social work this time, not an adoption agency. We had every intention of getting a little baby. But there was this file on her desk she was looking at when we came in, this 17 year old girl who had been through hell.”

Noah looked at me and raised his hand to stroke my cheek. “Jessa knew that you were the child we wanted. No matter what. You don’t understand how happy she had been when we were told we could take you home. How she rushed around, fixing everything up, painting your room, redesigning it. It was the happiest I’ve seen her in years, Amira. And you did it, and you don’t even know it.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked him rubbing my eyes. Noah took my chin in his hands and made me look at him.

“Amira, we never wanted to foster you. We intended to adopt you, Sweetheart.” I shook my head. I opened my eyes, tears overwhelming my vision. “The adoption went through, Amira. You are never leaving us, because you are our daughter.” He pulled me into his arms and clutched me tight, not letting me go as I cried. I cried away the fear of being alone. I cried away the fear of the future. I cried away the past. I just lay in his arms, the arms of my new father. I wrapped my arms around his neck clutching him tight as he soothed me, stroking my hair and patting my back.

I looked to the door way and saw Jessa watching us, smiling at us. This is my new family and they aren’t trying to give me away. They love me. That melted my heart.