Believing Again

Chapter 27

I awoke when there was movement on the end of my bed. My usual nighttime lamps on, I rubbed my eyes to try to clear the blurriness that was still lingered. I looked up to see Gunner watching a hockey game for some team that I didn't even try to figure out. "Hey," He smiled down at me when he realized I was awake. His schoolwork was in a pile on the nightstand, done and over with hours ago.

I snuggled back into Gunner's side as he switched to another hockey game, content as Aspen curled up next to my back. We sat there in comfortable silence drinking each other in.

"Do you ever think of college?" Gunner asked while he played with a strand of my hair. I looked at him thoughtfully.

"Not really. I never really thought too much about it when I was younger. It wasn't really an opinion. I just figured I would never get to go." He looked down at me, taking in what I was saying. "What about you?"

"I have some ideas." He looked like he wanted to say more, but he held it back.

"Gunner?" I asked sitting up. "What?" He signed, scratching the top of his head, trying to figure out what to say.

"Coach says there are going to be some scouts at our next game, college scouts. He says I have a good chance of getting picked." I looked at him confused.

"That's great, Gunner. But why..." He looked away not meeting my eyes.

"They aren't around here. The best schools aren't in Washington State." I got what he was saying. He was going to leave for college.

"Oh," was all I could say. He looked back at me, his eyes scanning my face.  After the summer was over, we would be done. Dragged off into different worlds, him a professional college hockey player, and me a sickly, high school graduate who chances are will never find a job. The thought made me sick, my stomach clenching so tight it hurt. He cupped my cheek bringing my face to his. He ran his thumb over my cheek back and forth looking into my eyes.

"Realize this Amira, you are the most beautiful, thoughtful, caring girl, I have ever met. You are the reason I will even have a chance of going to college. Do you think I ever sat down and did my homework?" I couldn't help the corners of my mouth turn up in a smile. "This will not end us. We will figure this out." I gave a soft nod, leaning into the comfort of his hand.

"In hindsight, probably not a good conversation to have at," He looked over to the clock, "10 o'clock at night." I couldn't help the smile that I gave as I looked up at him. He was just perfect. "I better get going. We have an early practice tomorrow. You are going to come to the game on Friday, right? You're my good lucky charm." He nuzzled into my neck making me giggle.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." He pressed his lips to the sensitive skin before getting up. I laid back down as he pulled the blankets over me.

"Goodnight, Tink." He pressed his lips to my skin and mumbled something he knew I would never hear. When he lifted his head up, he smiled, happy with his own little secret. "Sweet dreams." My eyes started to droop as I watched him pat Aspen's head before walking out...

I sat at the kitchen counter playing with my bowl of cereal, not really wanting to eat it. I've been awake for hours with no desire to head to school any time soon. "Amira? What are you doing up this early?" Jessa asked still in her pajamas raising an eyebrow. I just looked up. "Couldn't sleep, Baby?" I shook my head looking back at the mushy mess. "Was it another nightmare?" I shook my head.

"Gunner asked about college." Up till a couple weeks ago, I had no future. I didn't even have a stable home. I was alone in the world. Now I have a family, but I have no idea of my future.

"Have you started to look?" My question didn't even faze her, not like it did to me. I didn't say anything making her look back at me from where she was making her morning coffee. "Amira?" I felt the blush in my cheeks as she realized my silence. "Oh, honey." She put the mug down and took my hand in hers. "Amira, you can do anything you want to do. If you want to go college, we're going to support you. If you want to take time and paint, we are going to support you. You can just stay here with us, and not do any of them and we are going to support you. You are our daughter and that means we get to embarrass you on a regular basis." I wrinkled my nose and giggled.

"That is not something you need to worry about. My Amira is a smart bright girl. Any college is lucky to have her." She kissed my forehead. "You would do so good at college, Baby." I pushed around my cereal some more, thoughtfully. Jessa went us to change and get ready for the day. I reluctantly followed...

Gunner dropped me off at home, making me promise to come to his game tonight.  He went back to school, getting ready. I walked in, Aspen trotting happily at my heels. I walked into the kitchen to see Jessa sitting at the table papers spread over every square inch. It has been a couple days since our early morning conversation. "Good! Amira, you're home." She beamed at me as I put my backpack down and picked up an apple from the counter.

"What's up?" I asked walking over to the table and running my eyes over some of the papers. Papers and brochures from colleges all over the country were spread open on the table. "What's all this?"

"I may have gone a little over board." She gave a laugh. "But I got these from your school, as well as some I got from where Noah and I graduated from." She pushed a small pile of papers towards me, winking. "Then these are other schools that are good too. So many." She smiled as I sat down and scanned one of the pages.

"Wow." She tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I looked back at her. "What if they don't...?" She gave me a smile.

"They would be lucky to have you, Baby." She planned me a visit, getting more excited.

"Is Dad, coming home soon?" I asked looking at the time.

"He has a late business meeting so he won't be home till late." I gave a nod, disappointment flowing through me. "I'm sorry, baby." I gave her a small smile. I went to go sit outside on the rocking swing, rocking back and forward watching the sky. I don't even remember how long I was sitting out here before I felt a big body sitting next to me. I looked over to Gunner as he stretched his arms out and put them against the back of his head.

"What are you doing here?" He looked over at me, as I snuggled farther into the cushions.

"I just like to drop in, you have better food here." He smirked wiggling his eyebrows at me. I smiled at him. "Ah there it is, my favorite smile. That little frown you had was killing me." I gave a shrug.

"This is just too real." I couldn't help the tears from burning my eyes. "I feel like I'm going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream, and I'm going to be all alone again." I founded fight it any more. The pain burned in my chest as I wiped my eyes. "I don't want to be alone again." Gunner pulled me into his embrace as the sobs broke through. I clutched him tightly to myself, pressing my face into his shoulder. He stroked my hair, comforting me wordlessly. I felt so comfortable and protected as I sat on his lap, so small compared to his large body.  He let me pull back and wipe my eyes, running his eyes over my face, a pained look clouded his eyes. He grabbed my face between his hands.

"Amira, you are never going to be alone again." He pulled my face to his, crushing his lips to mine. "Don't ever think that again." He said when he pulled back. I snuggled back to his chest, letting him hold me to his chest. I really needed the comfort, knowing that the warm chest that holds me knows just what I needed in my time of internal struggle.