holding on || hunter rowland || completed

chapter 20

death the same concept that's been on my mind for months now.

I came so close, it was almost as if I could reach out and hold hands with the lingering black darkness.

and I was ready to latch on to it.

******

Is this what it felt like to breath normally? It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling but far from familiar.

just slowly being able to inhale and exhale without feeling a burning sensation.

I opened my eyes. My mom was hovering above me.

She smiled and I smile that was pretty convincing. I might've believed she was innocent if I didn't know the truth.

I opened my mouth to speak.

"Go..." inhale "away." exhale.

I could barely talk.

"No shh baby don't talk yet," my mom said smoothing down my hair.

I looked around the room. It was a different room then the one I had once lived in.

"Where... is... hunter?" I asked.

My mom looked down.

"He's not here." She blanks said.

My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion and utter disbelief.

"Well where is he?" I was still having a hard time breathing. but nothing hurt.

she walked across the room to pick something up from a little table by a TV.

she came over to me and handed my the letter.

With shaking hands I reached out to grab the letter.

I fiddled with the envelope and unfolding. When I opened the letter I recognized the handwriting almost immediately.

"Dear Adeline,
I was always that kid with the big heart and open mind. I always wanted what we had. A real relationship with a beautiful, strong, caring, loving, girl like you. You taught me how to be strong and how to hold on. You gave me more then the world and I had nothing in return. You gave me a real, burning, passionate love. Before Magcon came I was a self centered guy who just wanted to chase his dreams. But when Bart told us about how a girl wanted to meet us with her one wish, you taught me how to be selfless. We were 2 completely different people bound together by fate. I will never believe that what we had was a silly little teenage romance. It was real. It was the most alive I had ever felt. God, I wish that I could describe how much I love you but no word in the English dictionary could fully explain it. When we had our first kiss on that rooftop I knew that it was love. Now it sounds like a cheesy movie but it's true. I saw no, I felt those sparks fly all throughout my body. Nobody else in my life could ever make me feel like that. One day I came to see you when it wasn't visiting hours. You were sound asleep. All I could think about is how beautiful you are. A nurse pulled me to the side and told me news that made my heart shatter into countless pieces. They couldn't find a donor. I cried and cried. How could possibly live in a world without you? And I decided I wouldn't. Now every time you take in a delicate breath of air in that fragile little body of yours, you will have a part of me. I'll be with you with every breath you take and every step of the way. I love you more then you will ever possibly know.
                                                        love, Hunter

"No," I cried. "No," I looked up at my mom. The letter still in my hand. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." I cried.

My mom came up and hugged me. I buried my head in her chest while she held me.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this! I was supposed to die now him," I sobbed.

"He loved you so much sweetie that he couldn't live without you," she told me. My head was still buried in her chest.

"But I can't live without him!" I yelled. "I can't do this mom! He was my everything it wasn't supposed to be like this!" I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't breath.

"Honey calm down! You know what you're going to do? You're going to live everyday for the boy who loved you more then life. You're going to fight for him. He's going to be with you every step of the way, and you know why? Because he's in you!"

I looked up at my mom and nodded.

She was right. I was going to live everyday for the boy who took his life so I could have mine. I was going to live for that boy who I kissed on the rooftop. I'm going to breath in every breath for him and never stop loving him. I'm going to keep holding on for Hunter Bryce Rowland.

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