Zahara
I stood before the stove stirring the pot of grits while keeping a close eye on the bacon I had frying. Breakfast is the only thing that can keep my mind off of last night and how rough it was. I tried so hard to go back to sleep after having that dream but every time I closed my eyes it replayed in my head.
I truly feel that certain dreams contain a message and the one last night was clear as day. I don't wanna believe that he could be struggling with an addiction again. I wanna trust him and have faith that he's clean but I don't wanna ignore a potential sign. I have noticed that he spends more time in the bathroom. But I've never found anything out of the ordinary, his behavior hasn't changed much either.
He does get anxiety from time to time but never as bad as yesterday. I associated it with his headaches because of how severe they can get. Not being able to control them is something he struggles with so I understand the anxiety it may cause. But then again, I'm not one hundred percent sure that's even the cause.
His mood fluctuates a lot since his head injury, when he's in pain he's a little more agitated. Which is understandable and sometimes he's extremely clingy. And during those times he literally bear hugs me while the pain subsides. I feel bad that he has to go through this but his scans come back perfectly normal. So most of the time the doctor dismisses it and tells him to take ibuprofen as his symptoms appear.
Everyone is very skeptical about giving him a prescription for anything stronger. It becomes a matter of determining whether he's truly in pain or if it's in his mind. I don't think he's pretending or exaggerating the pain just for the medication. I doubt anyone would keep up an act after being told no so many times. He's not pretending and I wish they'd notice because it's not fun having to suffer for days at a time.
It's hard because I understand why the doctors made those choices. I'm sure he would probably get addicted if they were to give in and just prescribe him more Percocet. However it comes to a point where something has to be done it's just a matter of what. I try to help him other ways that don't include popping pain pills, too much isn't good.
He has tried to take more than the recommended dose of Tylenol and ibuprofen. Just because it's that bad but trying to take more is the worst thing he can do. Sometimes I do fear that he's not gonna think twice about doing it anyway..
"Good morning"
I looked back at Justin and realized that I had completely zoned out, thankfully the bacon didn't burn and the grits were on low. I turned the stove off and placed the pot on the back burner and grabbed two plates.
"Good morning Justin.."
He came up behind me and placed of his hands on my stomach. He held them there a little longer than normal. I looked back at him and he had a nervous smile on his face. He's gonna have to warm up to the idea of having a son, it's okay to be scared. But I know he's gonna be a great father to our son just like he is to Zari. He's an amazing father, no can take that from him.
"Did you pick a name?"
I nodded as I put food on both plates. I had to make a big breakfast. Bacon, sausage, eggs, pancakes and hash browns. I know Justin likes to eat a certain way so I decided to make what I know he'd want. He looked over my shoulder at the food and squeezed my butt. I put the spoon down and gave him the look he really doesn't like.
"Stop"
"Why?"
"Because.."
