Zahara
I've been texting Justin for two days and I haven't heard anything in return, I don't know where he is or what's going through his mind. I don't think he understands just how much he's hurting me with his actions. We lost a child, not just him. I don't think it's fair for him to just walk away and ignore me. It's sad that he won't even respond to me during a time I really need him, we need each other..
I locked my phone and sat it on the counter. I'm mentally drained, I have never felt the way I do now. I'm not sure where to turn, I'm trying so hard to be something I'm not right now. I don't know how to be strong during a time like this. I don't know how to accept that it just wasn't our time. I get so emotional when I think about it, it honestly feels like it's not supposed to be real.
I told myself that I would wake up from this dream several times today. I tell myself everyday, hoping that somehow it'll come true but it hasn't. Instead I'm hit by reality, the empty feeling of knowing apart of me is missing.
I looked back hearing the doorbell ring, apart of me wanted to ignore it but I didn't. I got off the bar stool and slowly made my way to see who it was. I looked out the glass on the side and found myself confused. If I remember him right, this guy is Justin's friend Boston and he's not even here..
I opened the door and waited for him to say something. He looked at me for a while before he spoke.
"I don't know if you remember me or not, but my name is Boston"
"I remember you"
He nodded and held up a bag in his hand. "I brought you some food and I came to check on you"
"Why?"
I don't mean to sound rude but I have never spoken to this guy for more than a second in the past. He was always nice we just never talked..
"You're my brothers girl.." He spoke as if he was asking a question incase he was wrong. I shrugged I don't know what we are. He caught on and continued.
"I heard what happened and I wanted to make sure you and baby girl were doing alright"
"We're okay.."
He looked at me as if he could see right through that lie, it's obvious that I'm not okay. I know this.
"Do you need anything?"
"No, I'm good. Thank you"
I contemplated whether or not I should ask if he has spoken to Justin. I haven't seen or heard from him in two days and I'm honestly sick to my stomach about it.
"Have you spoken to Justin?"
He looked at me as if he was debating on whether or not to tell me the truth. He didn't even have to tell me, his face told me everything. The fact that Justin has been ignoring me is kind of messed up.
"I shouldn't have asked.."
"No you had a right to ask. I just didn't know he wasn't talking to you. I don't think it's right either"
I shrugged, I give up. I'm not gonna run after him.. I'm just not.
"The least he could have done was let me know he was okay"
"I agree, it's not cool that he's pushing you away. But he feels so much guilt about what happened"
"Does he think I blame him?"
"No, it's not so much that he feels you blame him"
"It feels like everyone seems to think I'd blame him.."
