Zahara
"Lord, as I prepare for bed tonight I ask that you put my mind at ease. Help me give my troubles to you. Father, do not allow worry and anxiety to overtake me. Instead pour into me peace, tranquility and your love. In Jesus name. Amen"
Zari let go of my hands and said amen, she wanted to pray with me even though we already said our prayer before bed. I always say a small prayer with her before I lay her down. And then I pray again before I go to bed myself, tonight especially. The whole situation with Justin and his sister hasn't left my mind. He's not interested in hearing anything I have to say about it. So I said what I felt was best and left it alone, I can't stress over this.
I kissed her cheek and laid her in the middle of the bed, she rubbed her eyes and yawned.
"Night, night"
"Goodnight baby"
I turned the lamp off, laid next to her and pulled the covers up. Justin left so I don't know where he is, I tried to get him to stay here but he wanted to leave. Which really made me feel some type of way because he'd rather walk away than talk to me. This is why we have communication issues within our relationship. I don't know what to do anymore. I try to be understanding and actually give advice that I feel could truly help him. But he's uninterested in anything that involves fixing things with his family. And I get it, but that doesn't make it right.
Zari snuggled close to me and placed her hand on my stomach, she loves her baby sister.
"Baby"
"Yeah, baby"
She moved down and kissed my stomach and laid her head on it. "Baby, baby"
Nova moved a little bit and that was it, most of the time she moves a lot whenever someone talks to my stomach. But tonight she's chilling and I'm not complaining. My mind is already filled with so many thoughts, her moving will only keep me up longer. Zari continued to rub my stomach until she fell asleep holding onto me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath with every intention to rid the rising anxiety I felt.
I grabbed my phone and unlocked it, I had a few messages Justin letting me know that he had gone to talk to Lucas. Their relationship has just started to get better, as brothers they weren't always close. Mainly because he wanted better for Justin while no one else did. And because he wouldn't accept the stuff Justin once did they fell apart and stopped talking. That really hurt Lucas because he hasnt always been treated fairly by Justin's side of the family. The same thing that's being done to me was done to him. The sad part is Tatyana and Jacob are both half siblings to Lucas they just don't claim him.
I have been friends with Lucas for almost fifteen years, he's like a brother to me. He's family and my dad has treated him as such and his mother has always welcomed me with open arms. So I know first hand how much he was hurt by Justin allowing his mother and siblings to count him out. It started out as being hurt and then he started to treat them they way they treated him. But deep down I know that he really missed the relationship he had with Justin. And it has been getting better, Justin talks to him.
He hasn't apologized for ignoring him for all those years but I think he understands that Lucas did what he did because he wanted to see him become something when no one else did. Justin's family, I noticed that whenever someone wants to see him do good they start drama. It's like they don't want anyone in his life thats pushing him to be a better man. And that's sad because he has so much potential yet he has little to no support from them.
