I could hold on for a hundred years... When all else is gone... I would still be here... In a memory of things yet unseen... I'd remember all that we've never been... And I cannot wait to see... What life has in store for me... And I'd stay as strong and I'd stay as true... And you'd have forever now to think it through... Coz I believe what wasn't meant to be... Wasn't meant for now and... Someday you'll see... In a place and time we never know... I'd be standing there waiting for you... In another lifetime... It would be forever... In another world... Where you and I... Could be together... In another set of chances... I'd take the one's I'd missed... And make you mine... If only for a time... My life would matter... In another life... You would be mine... But until that time is now... I'd be holding on somehow... But until that time... I'll be holding onto forever... Until another life
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I left my car to where I parked this morning. I ride a cab and walk the twenty blocks to his unit in order for me to clear my mind. The air tingles in my nose, watching the crowds. For a moment, I consider stopping and postpone the plan. But instead, I keep going because I know that tomorrow would just be much harder, though it's already too hard as it is. I focus on the street and thinking, 'Five, you need to do what you have to do, Four, he will never love you the way you are to him, Three, she's the one he wants, Two, it's time to stop and let go, One, you will be fine.' I find comfort in the rhythm and that I'm solely responsible for how things will turn out. I spend some time thinking about what I might say, if I am ever able to ring the doorbell and if he is at home. I am not sure if the stories you see on TV works in real life, where you have to tell the person immediately how you feel. Instead, I feel nothing but terror, knowing that at some point; maybe this would be the last time I'd ever talk to him, that I will have to explain my behavior over the last few weeks of coldness. That I will have to say stuff that can't be unsaid and undo stuff that seems like it can't be undone. When the sensation becomes too much to think, I take my finger and press the doorbell.
"Sa." He quickly opened his door and hugged me tight.
"I need to say something." I said as I broke from the hug.
"Is this about the incident with Kim? I'm really sorry for her behavior." He said while holding my hands.
"No." I answered. "I know I should have called as opposed to just showing up. But I don't know if I could still hold up all this." While my legs are wobbling. "I like you." Finally the words are out. I saw him shakes his head. "Yes and it hurt me to see how much you loved Kim."
"But you know everything, from the start right?!" He let go of my hands.
I nodded. "I don't know how or when pero naramdaman ko na lang isang araw na mahal na pala kita. I tried to shrug it off but the harder I try, the more I felt how much I love you. And as much as I wanted to keep it within me, cause I don't want to jeopardize the friendship, but I just can't. Kasi alam ko na kapag di ko nasabi sayo, baka mas lalo lang akong masaktan." Water gathers on my lids and tears fall down one at a time. "I waited, hinihintay ko na dumating yung panahon na makalimutan mo siya, na dumating yung araw na ako naman. Every day, pinagprepray ko na sana, makapag-move on ka na sa kanya. Pero iba ee, iba yung nangyare, kasi bumalik siya. Bumalik siya sayo at tinaggap mo siya ng buong-buo."
"Sarah."
"Pero alam mo ba, hindi pa rin ako nawalan ng pag-asa. Kasi iniisip ko na siguro hindi pa ngayon yung time na para sating dalawa. It comes to the point na pinapagalitan na ako ni Anne" As I look at to him. "Pati nga si Ate kasi nga nagpapakatanga raw ako sayo. Pero hindi ko yun inisip kasi andun pa rin yung faith ko na marerealized mong ako yung mahal mo at hindi siya. Pero as the days goes by na anjan na si Kim sa tabi mo, lalo na nung nadinner kayo noon sa restaurant, yung sinabi mo na si Tita Vangie ang kasama mo, yung day na nagpromise kang sasamahan mo akong dalawin si Nanay." Nakita ko siyang yumuko. "After that unti-unti akong napaisip kong mangyayari pa ba kaya yun, na mamahalin mo rin ako?! Kasi hindi ko makuha kung bakit mo kelangang magsinungaling na si Kim pala talaga ang kasama mo at hindi si Tita."
"She was supposed to dine with us." He explained.
"But the final straw came nung pinili mo siya kahit napaka-rude niya sakin. Siguro ganun talaga pag love mo yung tao noh, kahit gano pa kapangit yung ugali niya kung mahal mo, mahal mo talaga. Remember, nung nasa Baguio pa tayo, sa Lourdes Groto, the wish?!" I saw him nods. "Diba palagi mo akong kinukulit kung ano yun, Ge natupad na siya." Habang di ko na napigil ang maiyak. "I wished na sana one day, makita kitang ngumiti, yung ngiting abot hanggang tenga. Winish ko na sana maging masaya ka. And I saw how happy you are, having her in your life again. I saw that smile every time you're with her. And alam ko na hindi ko mabibigay yun sayo, kaya I decided to stop. There is something I don't know right, about letting things just be, isn't there? Letting things happen the way they are supposed to happen. Pero ngayon alam ko na, and kaya ko na. I know this isn't going to be easy pero I know I'll be fine."
"Sarah, I'm so sorry.."
I butted in. "No, you don't have to be. It wasn't your fault. Kasi alam ko naman, umpisa pa lang na siya yung mahal mo. Tanga lang talaga ata ako ee." Habang ngumisi ito. "At ngayong nandito na siya, na kasama mo na siya ulit, bumalik na siya sayo, sana huwag mo na siyang pakawalan pa." While she's trying her best not to cry like a baby. "Alam kong mahal na mahal mo siya nang sobra sobra. Alangaan mo siya ha. Masaya ako para sa inyo." Ani nito at agad tumayo diretso palabas ng unit ni Gerald. Hindi na nito hinintay pa ang sasabihin ng binata.
I let out my breath for what seems like the first time in hours after I poured my heart into him, that I kept for a long time. I closed my eyes and take a deep breath. I'd hoped he followed me and said something like he also like me, that he loves me too, but he didn't.
She's a wreck, just standing there staring at his door, dabbing her eyes with her hands. After minutes of standing, and waiting for nothing, she decided to leave the building. Still, tears running down from her face. People are looking at her as she makes her way out, but she seemed preoccupied with what happened that she doesn't care. She walks through the rough surfaced road without minding some stares from the people she passes through. She's trying to stop herself from crying but she just can't control her emotions. She ran, as fast as she could, like she was running out for her life. The memories of her and Gerald keeps flashing back, like the way she cares for him and the things they shared together, how she comforts him every time his feeling down. The blaring of a SUV car horn snapped her back into reality, but it was too late for her to quick her reflexes to avoid the car. She felt nothing when the car hit her, how she wished she felt the same thing minutes ago; no pain at all. She tried to open her eyes, and all she can see is blood flowing from her head, that she was already laying down in the road then suddenly, everything went dark.
AN : Oh my?! Naaksidente si Sarah?! Ano nang mangyayari sa kanila ni Gerald? Susundan kaya siya ng binata? I’d love to hear something from you guys. Don’t forget to vote. Kindly follow @itjennn on twitter. Thanku
