Car is parked, Bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn’t look back... At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?... All those words came undone and I’m not only one... Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns... Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth... And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view... Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart... And my burden to bear is a love I can’t carry anymore... All I have, all I need, he’s the air I would kill to breathe...Holds my love in his hands, still I’m searching for something... Out of breath, I am left... Hoping someday, I’ll breathe again... I’ll breathe again.
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"So, how's the week after?" Anne scolded her as she entered to her condo unit.
"After what?" While drinking a glass of water.
"After you know, realizing that things aren't goes your way."
"Oh, it felt good to no longer care about Gerald." She lied.
"You're not good at lying my friend." She commented.
"Okay." She breathed in and out.
"I'm waiting dear."
"Well, I'm doing all right. Sometimes I feel tired, even when I haven't done anything at all. I have screwed some important stuff lately, but I am getting myself sorted out, I think." While she toss herself in the couch.
"You know, anyone who tells you it's easy to just leave someone close to you behind is lying through their teeth."
"So you're probably one of them huh."
"Yeah, sort of. But when you know you've made the right decision, it makes things easier to deal with."
"Yeah." She just agreed.
"What triggers your decision? To you know, finally get over him?!" She asked curiously.
"I told you already."
"It isn't just like that. I know there's something more."
"Nah, it was all that."
"Have you spoken to him?"
"Nope. Why should I?"
"He needed to know."
"That I love him and now I'm trying to get over him?!"
"Yah. He has the right to know."
"What for?"
"You can't just avoid or hide from him. Besides, you can't open a new chapter if you won't dare to close the old one."
"I'll think about it."
"You need to tell him." She commanded.
"You keep forgetting." She said. "This is a lot easier for you than it is for me." Sarah answered back.
Maybe this is true, maybe not, but as she stares to her friend, all she can think is that it is the right thing for her.
I'm drained after the supposedly comforting conversation with Anne. I know there's something more than knowing how much he loves her. I want to say something, to answer her question, but the words just don't come out for me. It's like there is a space and I know I am supposed to fill it in. But I can't. Maybe because I know it could hurt me more, or maybe I'm just scared to admit that things will never work out. I need to tell him, he needed to know. That I needed to be able to tell myself that I'd tried, that I'd done something, even if it was lying to me for something that was really nothing.
In the days that follow, she has to give Sarah a credit. After she came down so hard, letting go of Gerald, she could have sulked towards them for pushing her to get rid of him. She could have lashed out and cried. She could have complained. Instead, she has rededicated herself to quitting and moving forward. She goes back on the patch, even though it makes her sad. She take a few steps forward, she'd take a step back. So it goes. The important thing is where she ends up. And right now, this is what she needs.
The first thing I wanted to do this morning is to talk to him and tell him everything that I feel. I make a note saying: "You have to stop. You have to give him up. You have to let him go" at my mirror so that I can remind myself that I should do it, that I need to do it. Anne is right; I can't go on with my life if I won't have the courage to close the chapter he was into.
AN : Is she ready to let him go? Something is happening. Abangan. Kindly follow @itjennn on twitter. Thanku for reading! Votes and comments are much appreciated. Thanku
