Spare yourself, 'BadBoy' ...

Chapter 47:

MUSIC: How Can I - Charlie XCX 

Amelia above^

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Amelia's P.O.V:

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"Amelia, when you said we can all be bad people, what did you mean?" Ryan asked me sincerely and I swallowed. 

It was decision making time. I could tell him, I could let it all spill. Tell someone the full story of what happened to me. I could do it and have the burden of what happened fall from my back. I could tell him and risk putting him in more danger then he already was because I was with him. 

Or I could keep it to myself. I could keep the story that i've always secretly wanted to tell someone to myself; even though he just spilled his guts to me. I could do it, to try and keep him safe, even though he was already in danger.

If I didn't tell him I ran the risk of loosing him because I wasn't truthful.

But if I told him, I ran the risk of loosing him to Gilbert.

I couldn't decide which was worse.

I moved away from Ryan and stared at the TV. I was debating, I was fighting against myself in a war that I didn't know the solution to. I knew he was watching me. He was worried, and he had every right to be. It made me feel even more guilty that I thought about not telling him.

"What happened Amelia?"

It broke me. It did. The sincerity in his voice, the worry, the caring tone, everything. It made my resolve crumble.

I'd found it. My weakness. It was him. He could make me do anything.

So I decided to tell him. I'd swear him to secrecy but i'd tell him. It was only a matter of time before Cher said something to him anyway.

I laughed bitterly as I thought about Gilbert, and what he'd done to me.

"It started when I started to see my Mum again." I said and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Everything was great, she used to take me to this bar... She knew the owners and they had kids, a girl and a boy. I befriended the boy and we became really close. He introduced me to his sister Penny and we became friend's too, even though she's way older then me. Every time I saw my Mum she'd take me there. We used to go with my Dad too, when I was really young. I became really close to the boy, Reese, and Penny. They were my best friends. I never had many friends-" I stopped for a minute and looked away. I sighed and carried on. "-People just never really liked me, so to find two people that did...I wanted to hold onto it forever. Then the news of my Mum's death came about. She'd killed herself, from depression, they reckoned. I later found out that it wasn't all her fault. I was put into full time care, and they were trying to find me a foster parent. I was 12 when they finally did. 

His name was Gilbert. He was didn't have a girlfriend, no kids, no pets. But I didn't think anything of it. I was so ecstatic that I was finally going to have a forever home that I didn't think twice when he'd say something sketchy. It was great at the beginning. He took me to school everyday, picked me up, he even traveled so that I could see Reese and Penny.  He told me that I was his priority, that he'd do everything to keep me safe and happy. 

One day, his friend's came over, they were older men, in their 40's and they gave off the 'don't mess with me' vibe. When they came round I was sent to my room and told not to come out. I did as I was told, and assumed that it was because they wanted adult time, not because they were signing a deal involving a gang." I stopped and swallowed. I cleared my throat. Ryan grabbed my hand. I didn't even think about what he was thinking. I was determined to let it all out because if I stopped for too long I wouldn't be able to. "It turned out that Gilbert was part of a gang. They needed to train new people to join, hence the reason Gilbert fostered me. I was taken to this place, and forced to stay there. That's when his true colours came out. He started to treat me like a piece of dirt and I didn't understand why. I was forced into training. Self defense classes, fighting classes. I was taught how to handle a gun at the age of 12 and how to shoot someone. I was taught where to shoot to ensure you didn't kill them and where to shoot to ensure you did. I was aloud out a few times every couple of months and I spent that time with Reese. We were really close and so I split everything to him. He told me that it wasn't right and that I should tell someone. I was too scared to. I'd seen them fight, i'd seen the people hurt others." I winced. "I'd seen the damage they could do and I knew they'd do it to me.