How Can I Ever Get Past This

How Can I Ever Get Past This Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I soon felt the strength to get up, but I was clearly deceived. Pain shot all throughout my body. I wanted this all to be just a bad dream. I wanted to wake up. I wanted everything to be okay.

I slowly made my way to the bathroom.. I examined myself in the mirror. I didn’t even look like myself. My eyes were puffy, tears stained my face and the side of my face was red from when he slapped me. Just thinking about him made my stomach churn.

I had no clue on what I should do. Should I call the cops? Should I call Andrea or Kaylin? Oh my god Kaylin! What was he going to think of me? How would he even want me when he found out that I hat let some guy taken advantage of me.

I decided on not telling anyone. I was too embarrassed by the fact that I let some guy take advantage of me. I was ashamed of the fact that I had been raped. The thought of this made the tears fall down even harder. I stood up to turn the shower on. Pain terrorized the spot between my legs. A cry left my weak body as realization hit me. He had not used a condom. What if I caught a disease? What was I going to do if I ended up pregnant? That made the tears fall even harder. Having a baby by a guy I despised, the guy that raped me. Would I despise the kid to? I was way too young to have a kid.

I crawled into the tub and sat down and just let the water run down my body. The water fell with the tears. I got the soap and scrubbed my body, it felt so dirty. I scrubbed till I got tired of scrubbing I felt so weak. My skin had pruned. I had been in the shower for at least an hour. I got out and walked to my room. I put on sweats and a big t shirt. I grabbed my car keys and headed to Walgreen's. I had to get that pill. I had seen it on TV.

"The day after you have failed to use protection or after you think your birth control has failed" I could hear the animated voice clearly in my mind. Well nothing had failed nor was anything forgotten. I was just raped.

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I woke up the next morning feeling drained and lethargic. I went to sit up and the pain still terrorized my body violently. Yesterday's events replayed in my mind. Me telling Nate to come over, him coming over, the project, him slapping me, him forcing himself inside of me, and those words he said "we should definitely do this again sometime". I ran to the toilet as bile rose in my throat. I threw up nothing but blood I had thrown up everything I had already. I went back to my bed and slowly cried myself back to sleep.

When I awoke it was night time. My phone vibrating was what had awakened me. I looked at it. Five missed calls all from Kaylin and two text messages.

From: Baby Where R U......

From: Ur not textin bak or callin so im on my way to yur house.

Oh no, I couldn't see him he would definitely know that something was up. I would probably give in to him and just tell him everything. Would he believe me? Nate was his friend, but I was his girlfriend and he loved me right? I heard a knock at the door. I stiffened maybe if I didn't answer or say anything he would just go away. I wasn’t able to think things through on what I should do, so I just froze. He continued knocking.

"Syd! I know you're in there. Why are you ignoring me?" He continued to knock.

"Syd open the door!"

"Whatever if you're going to act like this I'm leaving" The knocking stopped I went down stairs to see if he was gone. As I was walking to the door, I heard another loud bang. I jumped

"Sydney open the got damn door.” He yelled and then silence filled the air.

"Syd please open the door, I need you right now I miss you and I need you in my arms" Guilt washed over me. Tears stung my eyes and flowed down my cheek. I wanted to open the door for him. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to be inside his arms and I wanted for him to tell me that everything would okay. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t allow him to see me like this. I couldn’t let him know what had happened to me. He would hate me.

"Please" he said with so much hurt and pain in his voice. The tears came harder. I heard footsteps and then a door slam. I heard the car engine as it roared to life. 

I felt so bad. I could never be in his arms.  I couldn't be touched by any guy again, not without Nate popping into my mind and what he did to me. I laid on the floor and cried myself to sleep.