chapter three:
dear friend,
yesterday was, excuse my foul language, shit. absolute, utter, shit, as you can tell i’m pressing very hard right now as i do my braille because it was so… so… so horrible. it wasn’t horrible as in sophomore year horrible, it was horrible as in intimidating, humiliating, embarrassing horrible. i’m proud of myself for sticking up to harry and his annoying smoking, he’s such a… excuse my language, douchebag. i hate, hence the hard pressing, hate, harry. zayn is just as bad. he humiliated me in front of the whole class! my fellow friend, i hope you never experience such shame. i felt so… so… weak at that spot. i felt as if i had no power as to what was being done to me. not only can i not notice what’s going on which causes me to be really slow as to when i’m being publicly humiliated (which causes the normal people to laugh even harder), but i also can’t feel happy now. i feel like happiness just isn’t part of my Liam Life Dictionary. it just doesn’t relate to me or my life. this feels just like seventh grade year…
if you didn’t know seventh grade was the worst year for me. it was when i feel into depression, not self-harm, suicidal depression, but just… depression. i couldn’t be happy. being blind in general just makes you feel the depressed.
i’ll give you a picture of how i feel… just imagine a world with no sun… picture that okay. so it’s always night time… and not only that, but it feels like you’re walking under a rain cloud. okay, so basically picture it always being night time, always raining, which means it’s always gloomy and sad, no flowers or wild life because no sunshine… that’s what being blind feels like. except you can’t see the rain or see anything. it’s just… darkness.
another thing you can picture is imagine being thrown in a room or closet with no windows, no source of light, in the middle of the night and you can’t even see your hand in front of you. the door is locked and there is no escape. you feel scared, alone… trapped.
blindness? more like depression. i’ve always wanted to be one of those blind people that doesn’t mind being blind, they walk around with not a care in the world. they’re just… happy. how do they do that? why can’t i be like that…
alright, now i’m just rambling on. but, i genuinely hope i don’t get thrown back into my old habits of being depressed. i mean you know what they say, once you’re depressed you can never go back to “normal,” you’re always just slightly depressed. but, i feel alright… i just don’t want to go back to depression because depression plus blindness is practically the end of the world for you. i just want to be happy…
i hope you’re doing alright, liam. :)
//
In the bus, Liam sat very straight and held himself together surprisingly well even though he didn’t feel any slightly hint of confidence in the inside.
Harry was sat two seats behind him with Pedro, the same guy from Liam’s calculus class. When the bus stopped in Zayn’s stop it got full and Zayn was the last one to get on, he complemented sitting beside Liam for a long time and Liam sensed a presence beside him he just would’ve never guessed it was Zayn Malik.
The sturdy bus seat dipped with the weight of Zayn, Liam scooted his backpack closer to him and sat very erectly.
“Hello?” Liam asked trying to get a hint of who it is.
“It’s me,” Zayn’s raspy voice said.
“Oh.”
