She's My Parabatai

Chapter 15

I was kissing Jace Herondale and I didn't know why. My brain wasn't working. All I knew was his lips were on mine, and his arms were holding me close.

I shifted my hand as it kneaded into his shirt. Pain flared and I remembered that I had hurt it hitting the punching bag.

The gears started turning in my head and I pulled away from Jace. "I-I can't do this," I announced. "Not with you." I shook my head before quickly exiting the room.

"Clary!" Jace called softly after me, careful not to wake the rest of the institute. But, I ignored him.

Somehow I found my way to my room in the dark, I had forgotten the witch light in the training room. I paused, glancing at Izzy's closed door but decided against it and entered my room.

I closed and locked the door behind me. I needed a cold shower.

***

Even though it was only 5am when I got out of the shower I found my Parabatai sitting on my bed. I forgot she had a key to my room.

"I'm sorry, Clary," she said even though she had nothing to apologize for. "I hate fighting with you."

I sat down on the bed next to her. "You have nothing to apologize for, Izzy," I told her. "This is all my fault. I've been lashing out, I know. I'm sorry. Even everything that's happened doesn't give me the excuse to treat you like I have been. You're my Parabatai, always and forever."

Izzy smiled. "I'm glad to see you've come to your senses. Did a good night's sleep do all that?"

I wasn't planning on telling her about anything, about the nightmare or about Jace...but she was my Parabatai.

"Jace actually did," I told her.

"Jace?" She questioned. "Since when are you having midnight rendezvous with Jace?"

"He kissed me," I blurted out.

Izzy started at me. She didn't speak, just stared. She seemed to be in shock. In all honesty if someone would have told me yesterday that I was going to kiss Jace back I would have called them crazy.

I waved my hand in front of her face. "Izzy!"

"Sorry," she said. "Just...uhm. I mean I love Jace and all, he's like a brother to me, but you hate him."

"I know," I explained. I didn't even know why I kissed him back in the first place.

Izzy shook her head. "You're confusing, Clary."

"I'm confused myself," I admitted.

"So how was it?" Izzy questioned.

"How was what?"

Izzy stared at me for a second. I stared back. "God, the kiss, Clary; how was the kiss?"

I felt my cheeks turn pink. "Oh...well..."

"Nu-uh, you're not getting out of this! It was your first kiss, I want to hear all about it," she demanded.

"You just told me Jace is like your brother. It'd weird to be telling you," I told her. It was like telling me about a kiss with Sebastian.

"Like my brother, he isn't actually so it's not that weird." Izzy shrugged. "It'd only be awkward if you told me about a kiss with Alec, cause one gross and two that would just never happen."

"Geez Izzy, I mean I'm not exactly the type of girl who goes around kissing every boy I see but it's nice to know that Alec is out of my league."

Izzy started laughing. I stared at her. What was she laughing about? "Clary! No, you can have any guy you want, no one's too good for you. If anything you're too good for any guy."