Hands all over (Published)

10. According to him

He was distant again.

I sighed as I watch him work inside his four walled office. Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko para makuha ang atensyon niya. Ayoko nang ganito. Magkasama kami pero dinadaan-daanan niya lang ako. After what happened the other night, akala ko okay na kami, ininsulto man niya ako, ayos lang sa akin, sabi ko nga, lahat ng galing kay Adam, tatanggapin ko dahil mahal ko siya at kahit paano alam kong may nararamdaman siya sa akin – galit nga lang. Hindi ko na iniisip kung paano niya ako mapapatawad. Naniniwala ako that everything will fall into places pero gusto ko pa rin siyang makinig sa akin. I owe him a very long explanation pero hindi naman niya ako gustong pakinggan.

The other night he said that I made him who he is today – kapag naaalala ko iyon ay naiiyak ako. I turned the man I love into a stone. Alam kong kasalanan ko iyon at gusto kong baguhin iyon.

"Adam." I called him. Dahan-dahan akong pumasok sa office niya.

"Get out, I'm working." Malamig na sabi niya. I bit my lower lip.

"Adam, I just... we'll we run out of supplies." Wika ko. He looked at me. His eyes were cold and dark that it brought chill to my bones. I cleared my throat.

"Get dressed, we're going to the grocery." Wika niya sa akin. Tumango na lang ako at saka tumalikod. Nagpalit ako ng t-shirt at pantaloon – nasa bahay lang kasi ako so I was wearing shorts and spaghetti strap. When I got out of our room, I saw him standing near the huge drawer on the side of his living room, natigilan ako nang makita ko ang hawak niya. It was the mask I left him that night when I first saw him. Binalingan niya ako.

"This is yours, right?" He asked me. I nodded, what's the use of denying it. "Trash. Lahat ng galing sa'yo, basura." Mariing wika niya. Hindi ako nagsalita. Tumalikod siya, nanginginig ang tuhod na sumunod ako sa kanya. I really wanted to cry. Gusto ko siyang tanungin kung hanggang kailan niya ba ako sasaktan. Kung hanggang kailan niya ba ako pahihirapan. I-deserve everything he's throwing at me, pero hanggang kailan ko ba kakayanin.

We went to his car, after a while, he's driving alongside of the metro. Wala pa rin siyang kibo. Nakatingin naman ako sa labas ng bintana, I couldn't help but cry. Everything was just so painful right now. Nang huminto kami sa tapat ng isang mall ay saka ko lang pinahid ang mga luha ko, akala ko bumaba na siya. Napasinghot pa ako, when I turned around to take my seatbealt, I saw him looking at me, his forehead was knotted in a way that I know he was wondering what's happening.

"Why are you crying?" He asked. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang tono ng boses niya, para siyang nag-aalala. Wala ang galit doon, hindi tulad kanina.

"Wala." I cleared my throat. "Na-miss ko lang si Daddy. I was just wondering if he's okay." Pagkasabi noon ay bumaba ako ng sasakyan. Sumunod siya. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ka-mugto ang mga mata ko but that was enough to make him nice to me at nagulat talaga ako. Habang nasa supermarket kami ay kinakausap niya ako, tinatanong kung anong gusto ko, he was actually asking for my opinion and I couldn't believe it.

"Ito, gusto mo?" He was holding up a cereal box. Umiling ako. "Ayaw?" I looked away. Kumuha ako ng coffee, gusto kasi niya iyon, he drinks coffee every morning before going to work. Nilagay ko iyon sa cart. Nagtaka lang ako noong mapansin kong wala si Adam doon. Nagpalinga-linga ako. Nasaan na iyon?

Ako na lang ang nagtulak ng cart, maya-maya ay narinig ko siyang tinatawag ako.

"Aura!" He called. I looked back. Now he's holding boxes of chocolates and some wafers. "Ito, gusto mo? Bibilin ko ito."