Dance As The Sun Slips Away (Synyster Gates)

Trashed and Scattered

Penny's POV
I'm not really sure what just happened. Our anniversary turned into a break from each other? What have I done, how did I screw all this up? This day is so similar to a year ago. I'm crying, I'm afraid of never seeing him again and I need to pull myself together to drive home. But this time, he walked out on me.
Suddenly my sadness switched to anger. What the hell? If he really loved me, he would wait for me to be ready. Damn him!! "FUCK YOU SYNYSTER GATES OR BRIAN HANER JR or whoever the hell you are!"
I carried the anger through my whole ride home. Anyone who saw me driving down the road probably thought I was on my phone hands free having an argument. I was talking out loud pretty much the whole way. Sometimes I was even beating on the steering wheel. I was talking to imaginary Brian the whole way. "Really? Is this some kind of fucking joke? Are you bored and want to be free while on tour to screw around?"
It all went on and on for a full five hours. By the time I got home, I was hoarse from yelling and screaming. I pulled into the garage and switched back to crying. I texted Brian "Made it." He texted back a smiley face, obviously he didn't really have anything to say.

I called Bianca and told her what happened. "What should I do?"
"Well first you need to smack yourself up side your head for being a stubborn pig headed idiot."
"What the hell?" I said.
"Penny, he loves you. Do you know how much it hurts him that you don't want people to know about you two?"
"I'm thinking of him, I don't want to ruin his life, his career."
"Bullshit! You are worried about you getting hurt again! He's not Merlin or Jay!"
"Wow Bianca, thanks for the brutal truth."
"You know I love you and I want you to be happy. But you are throwing your happiness and his away because your afraid. I know it is even more scary because of who he is. You have to decide do you really love him and is that love enough to overcome your fears, face the haters and take the chance. I know the answer, I'm not sure why you can't see it."
"Bianca, I have to go."

I went out to the gazebo and just sat there. I actually woke up the next morning curled up on one of the built in benches inside. I kept hoping he would call, but he didn't. I started to pick up my phone probably 2 dozen times to text him or call him. I just sat at home, I tried to work but I didn't really get much done. By Tuesday, I was a total wreck. I hadn't showered since the last one with Brian in Michigan. I hadn't even brushed my hair or even eaten anything more than Popcorn. I watched every mushy movie they had on Netflix and cried during every one of them. There was a big void in the house and a big void within me. On Wednesday morning, I went to my studio and tried to paint, but nothing. I went into his music studio and ended up on the floor hugging my knees and crying.
I heard Bianca's voice and the words she said to me.
"You have to decide do you really love him and is that love enough to overcome your fears, face the haters and take the chance. I know the answer, I'm not sure why you can't see it."
I got up and called Bianca. "I see it now"
"It's about damn time! Now, what are you going to do about it?"
"At the end of this week of break, I'm going to accept his proposal."
"Why are you going to wait? Where is he right now?"
"He has a concert in Florida."
"I suggest you get your ass on a plane to Florida today. Do you need me to help you?"
I laughed for the first time in 3 days. "Thanks, but I can handle it."

Brian's POV
All I could do since leaving that hotel room was worry whether or not I did the right thing. I wanted to call her or text her so much, I had her number up many times and all I had to do was press send. I had to see this through, I told myself. I was pretty down and the guys noticed.
On Wednesday night right before we went on stage, Zack came to me.
"Hey Man, what's up with you? Aren't you usually chatting with Penny right now?"
"We aren't speaking to each other right now."
"Did you two have a fight?" Zack asked
"No, not really a fight. I had this brilliant idea that if I forced her to think about us and miss me that she wouldn't want to hide anymore."
"How's that plan working out for you so far?"
"It sucks, I miss her and I'm scared I have pushed her away."
"Why don't you just call her, tell her that you were wrong."
"It's not that easy."
"Brian, we have known each other a long time and I think you are making a huge mistake. Is not being with her at all, better than hiding your relationship and still being with her?
"No, it's not. I'm going to call her tonight after the show. I am going to ask her to forgive me and tell her that I love her and I don't care if we live in a hole under ground to keep us secret."