Dreaming Alone

Dreaming Alone: Chapter Seventeen

I tossed, turned and rolled over the bed that night as I thought of my grandma's crazy antics. I'm glad Xander's entertained though I can't stop myself from feeling a little bit irritated. I mean sure yeah, I'll marry someday and Wil's a good candidate but I'm in no rush. We're not even a couple yet!

I guess I should ask Xander to update our grandmother's vocabulary that when he said I'm going out with someone, he really meant that I went out on a date with someone but we're not yet a couple.

I sat up and looked at the door when I heard a soft knock. I waited for a few seconds and then another series of knock came. I furrowed my brows and pressed my lips together before walking to the door.

"Yes?" I called out as I held on the doorknob.

"Are you still up?" whispered Wil's voice.

"How'd you know which room I'm in?" I asked because I didn't get to say good night to him since grandma insisted I sleep early while she made sure that Wil's all set for bed.

"Xander" he answered and I shook my head before resting my forehead on the door. "Mind if I come in? I don't want anyone to see me outside your room and think that I'm stalking you."

I chuckled and bit my lower lip as I smiled.

"You better get in before my grandmother magically appears out of nowhere with Cupid by her side."

I turned the knob and found him wearing white pj's. I'm pretty sure my grandmother gave him those.

Wil smiled before walking in. I closed the door behind me and sat on the bed beside him.

"Is it okay that the door's closed?"

"It's not locked—no locked doors allowed unless you're undressed" I answered.

"I can't sleep" he shook his head.

I tucked in my legs under me and nodded in agreement. "Me neither."

"So...what should we do?"

I looked as his eyes as he searched mine for an answer and sighed.

"I don't know" I sighed.

"So you do feel something powerful for me?" he asked teasingly, recalling my grandmother's question.

"I don't know if I should use the word powerful considering grandma's vocabulary."

He smiled before lying on his back with his legs hanging on the bed. Well, his legs didn't hang since they're so long; his feet are planted on the carpet.

"If you don't mind me asking," I can feel his eyes digging on my back "how exactly do you feel about me?"

I turned my head to my left and looked at him for a bit before looking back at the wall.

"To be honest, I don't know how exactly. You'll have to be a bit specific so I can try to weigh it."

"Do you like me?" he asked.

"You know I do" I answered.

"As a friend, I know. But more than that—do you?"

I dug in deep inside me and thought about it.

"You make me smile" I said after a minute of silence.
"You make me sing without even noticing it" I smiled.

I looked at him and saw that he's patiently waiting for me to continue. I looked back at the wall and smiled a bit before continuing.

"Little things remind me of you even though at times, it's not even related to you. You make me feel comfortable about myself when I don't feel like being myself at times. You make me forget about the things I don't want to remember and when I do remember them, as long as you're with me I feel... I feel okay."

"I'm glad I do" he said and I can hear him smile.

"I like being with you so to sum it all up, I guess I do I like you more than just a friend and that scares me the most."

"Why would it scare you?" he asked as he sat up. "Does it scare you because you know you might disappoint me?"

I nodded and he smiled before sighing.

"No one was born perfect, Alex. We're here to perfect ourselves but we can't do it alone. That's why loving is a two-way street. I believe that if you love someone, all you have to worry about is the person. You'll take care of the person, you'll love him and then, it's his job to take care of you and love you. You'll give everything for the person and the person gives his all for you too."

I turned to face him and I noticed him almost touch my hand before pulling back.

"I'm not requiring you to do anything. I'm just asking you to let go. You don't have to be afraid anymore, Alexandra. I'm here, I'm ready to catch you—all you have to do is to fall."

Tears welled up my eyes and I wondered why I felt like crying. I wasn't sad at all but his words made its way deep within me, through the walls I built like it wasn't even there.

"I can feel how you feel for me, I can see the way you look at me and I can see that you're afraid. Trust me when I say this, you don't have to."

I looked at his eyes and embraced the warmth of the security radiating from him. I wondered if I should continue to hesitate or to let go...to fall. If I stop myself from falling, I might forever be stuck in this void I've created in between my past and this future that's waiting for me. If I let go, there's a chance that I might fall—hard—and break, but the promise is there.

If I don't let go, I might lose this one great shot for a second chance of feeling something again.

"What do you say?"

I held onto Wil's question like a lifeline as I pondered through everything.

The past is not a pattern—it's a lesson.

"I..." I took a deep breath in and released it. "I—"

"Did I miss anything?" Xander asked after bursting through the door.