Secret Spy Diaries #Wattys2016

Confusion.

I see panic settle on Amy's face as I show her Ashley's phone. I feel bile rising inside my stomach, and I feel like I am going to throw up. That's how disgusted I am, with Adam.
Oh wait. Its Luke.

But is it really Luke? He might just be someone else to Ashley, like Harry the hairdresser or Derrick the designer.

Yes. In my world, a person's profession and the person's name are alliterative.

But the point is, the possibilities are endless. He could be anyone to her, and she has also been stupid enough to fall for what is clearly a trick.

But hey, we are trained spies and we fell for his act as well, right?

I want to groan in frustration about how all he has been doing is playing with my emotions for all this time that I have known him, but reconsider after seeing Amy, her eyes strangely hollow.

" Amy, have some water..."

I manage to say that out with great difficulty since my throat suddenly becomes constricted and dry at the same time.

Amy is staring at nothing, but it doesnt seem like she heard what I just said.

"Amy? Its okay, we can fix--"

She simply grabs the glass of water on the table and gulps everything in it, down. Her eyes are still fixed at nothing, and I don't think she is back to being herself.

And it is starting to freak me out.

I am never good at emotions. I cant keep mine in check, so I always resort to masking them. Because of this weird coping mechanism of mine, I end up having emotional outbursts every once a while. And they are terrible. I end up crying; more like bawling like a baby, about the simplest of things. And this hasn't happened just once or twice.

I didn't talk to my mother once in kindergarten, because she forgot to kiss me goodbye.

I ended up crying in second grade when a guy in my grade broke my pencil.

I shut myself in my room for two days in high school once, when Jake didn't text me back.

But strangely, when something major happens, I don't react.

I didn't bawl when Jake left.

Didn't shed a tear when Mom had an accident in ninth grade.

I have no idea why I feel this need to mask my emotions all the time. I just think its embarrassing to share them, and I don't know why. I don't know. So when I have these outbursts, people who know me know what I want them to do; to leave me alone, and to let me deal with the whole thing myself.

Also, probably because they know that anger fills me up completely, and I end up breaking a thing or two or punching someone. And you most definitely do not want to see that.

Since I am so good at handling my emotions, I am an absolute wreck when it comes to handling someone having an emotional meltdown. I feel so helpless and I am the last person you would want to talk to while crying because I clam up.

So I have no idea what to do to make Amy feel normal again, except saying her name, again and again.

I have a go at it yet again.

"Amy? We can fix this. We're all in this together."

So I am quoting High School Musical.

Yay me.

Amy finally looks at me.

Thank God.

"You really think so?" she croaks out. "I know I hate her but she is my baby sister..."