Secret Spy Diaries #Wattys2016

Breaking Down

Jake's POV-

I grin, looking at the phone in my hand, hoping that Vanessa would magically emerge out of it. I know, lame. My colleagues have also started noticing that I always have a smile on my face throughout the day, and I am not as cranky as I was, anymore. And its all because of her.

I haven't forgotten that very moment when I saw her in the hospital room that afternoon. In a second I knew it was her, but I would look really desperate if I went to her and kissed her square on her lips, right?

Because that's what I wanted to do.

It was one of my life's saddest moments when she had to go. I did not want to leave her; I could happily spend the rest of my life wrapping her up in my hug. She fits so perfectly, like we are two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

But when she called me yesterday and told me she needed a place to stay, my joy knew no bounds. And I swear I jumped when she agreed to stay at my place. And last night at Marine drive was...magic. Pure magic. It was everything I ever imagined, only so much more. Whenever I saw couples sitting at the seaside at night, it was brought back memories of Vanessa; and last night, as both of us sat there, I felt so...complete.

I am dropping SO many hints to tell her that my feelings haven't changed and in fact, they have grown to be stronger, but she doesn't notice!

But I love her, I really do, and that's what I plan to tell her tonight on our date.

Our date.

Wow. She agreed.

After she said yes, all I am doing is freaking out. And I don't even know why. What is the worst thing that can happen? She'll say no. That's fine! I'll...accept it?

I think.

But she wont say no, right? I mean, even if she doesn't give me any hints as to how she feels, but the hug and last night at the Marine drive do mean something, right? And the fact that she called me when she wanted some place to stay? That surely meant something?

I probably was the only person she knew here.

OH GOD.

Am I making a mistake here? Is asking her out today a bad idea? Will I end up ruining our friendship? Am I going to lose Vanessa forever if this thing backfires?

If she says no and agrees to remain friends, it will kill me. I'll have to see her every single day, talk to her without feeling what I feel for her right now. Will that even be possible? Will all the feelings that I suppressed for all these years disappear in a split second if she says no? Will I be able to survive it? I sit humanly possible?

Of course it is humanly possible.

That's just the doctor in me speaking. But deep down, within me, I know that this evening will probably leave me complete, or broken. Either way, my life is going to change.