Strings

No Matter How

No matter how hard I try it's so hard to keep this to myself. I have to tell Nicholas. This pain is keeping me from sleeping, from eating and just being myself. I'm not happy with anything anymore and I just can't help it. I'm depressed and I can't do anything about it.

"Hey, you're home....Can we talk?" I asked following him up the stairs. "I'm tired, can we talk tomorrow or something?" He said heading into our bathroom. Great, he's still angry over a fight that happen two days ago. "But--" he closed the door in my face.

I don't know what I've gotten myself into. It wasn't meant to be like this. I wanted to be happy one day when I was married. I'm no longer happy at all. "Alright." I whispered at nothing. Absolutely nothing is what our marriage and my life has become. The only good thing that's ever come out of Nicholas and I..is our child.

I walked towards our bed and pulled back the sheets before laying down. I guess this was just something I'd have to keep to myself for once. I don't particularly like crying but it's come so natural lately. Tears streamed down my face and I sobbed quietly.

When could I ever stop making mistakes? I wasn't good enough for my parents to stay and apparently I'm not good enough for Nicholas. I turned on my side opposite from the bathroom. I don't want him to see me cry.

He walked into the room and I faked as if I was asleep. Honestly, I'm not happy with him anymore.